#i figured i’d separate my sad pieces with something sweet

[cels-not-so-secret-love-affair]

dead or alive? (sirius & regulus)

a/n: a little black brothers angst! still debating whether or not i like it, but sharing it anyways. heads up for reg not doing too hot.

‘Regulus?’

It is 04:00am and dark. Sirius is sat with his back against the bathroom door in his brother’s flat. His phone lies discarded on the floor, the bright screen of his messages with Barty acting as a torch in the early morning shadows.

‘Regulus?’ he repeats, voice quiet and thin. It sounds less like a name and more like a hope, feebler than he wants it to. He clears his throat abruptly and gives it another shot.

‘Listen,’ he says, attempting to bargain with the nothingness. ‘I’m not asking you to come out here and have a nice little chinwag about your feelings or any of that idiocy. I’m not a therapist, and I’m not going to force you to tell me about any of the shit you’re going through right now, promise. I just need to know that you’re okay.’ Sirius’ eyes flick down to the Whatsapp messages at his feet. He rubs his face roughly with his palm and gazes bitterly at the ceiling.

‘The things Barty’s been telling me are fucking scary, you know that? You’ve got to know that. Just knock or something. Come on.’ The clock down the hall cuts through the silence with a few jarringly loud ticks. It is 04:02am.

‘Fuck’s sake, Reg,’ he swears, exasperated. ‘Open the bloody door.’

‘You can’t hide in there forever. Aren’t you freezing? I’m freezing. Why don’t you ever put the heating on? I know you can afford it.’

‘I swear to God, this is getting ridiculous now. I know you’re there. I can see your damn shadow.’ Sirius’ long pale fingers tie themselves into knots over and over as he fidgets. More agonising silence.

‘Regulus.’ The door remains shut, and the shadow behind it remains unspeaking. It is 04:05am.

‘Should I get someone else here? Is it just me that you don’t want to talk to, is that it? If I got Evan or Remus or, shit, literally anyone else, would you speak to them?’ Desperation is beginning to crawl out of Sirius’ throat, mangling his words into raw, strained sounds that chase after each other quicker than they ought to.

‘Come on. You haven’t got vocal cords for nothing, you are aware of that right? Just say something. Just let me hear your voice, and then I’ll go away and never bother you again, yeah? Just let me know you’re alive. Please, Reg.’

‘You’re my little brother, you know. You’re still my little brother. I know you hate me, a-and I hated you too, for… longer than I should have, and growing up was pretty shite - I think we both understand that now. You know, I’ll always feel guilty for leaving you. I swear, there hasn’t been a single day where the guilt hasn’t eaten me alive, James could tell you. So you’ve every right to hate me. Really, you do. You could hate me for your whole entire life and I’d get it, seriously, I would get it! But you’re my little fucking brother, Reggie. C’mon. Just do this one thing for me, this time. I need to know my little brother’s okay. I need to know he’s here with me and not… not dead on the fucking floor. Give me that much.’

It is 04:12am when the handle turns. Sirius isn’t expecting it at all - he’s aching and exhausted and terrified and too used to silence. He jumps when he hears it, turns wide, shining eyes towards the sound with unsure anticipation. There’s a few moments of clumsy shuffling, and then the door is opening inwards onto a dull gloom that clings to the tiling and old-fashioned sink with unrelenting intensity. It is very quiet. For one terrible moment Sirius thinks, irrationally, that maybe Regulus isn’t there. That he’d been sitting in the hallway for the past twelve minutes begging thin air and the ghost of who used to breathe it. But then the shadows are shifting, taking on form and contour, becoming something more familiar. Regulus crawls out from behind the door with shaky breaths, and lets himself be lit by the phone on the floor in all his wretched vulnerability.

Sirius doesn’t move, at first. He just stares at his brother. Sees his grey eyes reflected back at him in a slightly younger yet equally pained mirror image. Sees those eyes flicker and move and relishes in the aliveness of them. Sees a not dead brother. Then it processes somehow, and he’s pulling that wonderful, infuriating, not dead brother hastily and instinctively towards him with both arms, and holding him, and crying without realising it. Regulus lets it happen. He collapses into the hug.

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

BBC Merlin Recs!!

Someone asked me for Merthur recs a while ago, so I figured I'd start a list of various BBC Merlin fics I love!!

These are various different ships and friendships, I've tried to keep a little variety, though almost all of them are canon era (there are only a few that aren’t) 😁 Non of them are ridiculously graphic in terms of smut, but there may be the occasional small bits and pieces. Some have very hefty trigger warnings. Always read the tags, kids.

❤=Absolute Faves

❤5 times Merlin helped Leon through a nightmare (+1 time Leon helped Merlin through his own) OK so I absolutely ADORE this, it's one of my all time favourite BBC Merlin fics, and it's about the growing friendship between Leon and Merlin. There are no romantic ships at the forefront of this, but it's just written really beautifully and I really really Love it (around 9k)

Hot Summer Night MERTHUR!! Some good old pining, Merlin being weirdly confident, all pure fluff and I'm HERE for it (around 2k)

Trial of the Senses MERTHUR!! Merlin is Mega Pining and Oblivious, kinda angsty but only because Merlin is stupid, super fluffy ending (around 3k)

❤The one where Arthur finds out exactly why Merlin is such a bad Manservant MERTHUR except it's more platonic (but read it how you want I suppose). Arthur stands up for Merlin when he finds out Merlin is so shit at his job because he's never been trained or anything. He shouts at the steward on Merlin's behalf (around 3k)

Possessed by Emrys MERCALOT and ARWEN!! Ok so this is one of the funniest ones I've read in aaaaages. In which, to be able to use magic in front of people, Merlin and Gaius tell Arthur of a "spirit" named Emrys who possesses people to use magic and save everyone. Hijinks occur, in which EVERYONE uses "I've been possessed by Emrys I must go" as an excuse to get out of things. Arthur is very stupid until he's not. The whole thing is just... really funny (almost 15k)

Into the Stars MERTHUR!! Arthur is pining and very stupid, so when he finds out that Merlin loves the stars, he spends HOURS teaching himself about them, so he has something to talk to Merlin about, instead of just.... telling him how he feels. I love this, it's so cute (almost 5k)

Worthy MERTHUR really angsty but with a happy ending. Merlin doesn't think he's worth Arthur's affections, Arthur proves him wrong (350 words. Short and sweet)

King's Orders Platonic Gwen/Arthur/Gwaine/Merlin. Merlin's closest friends stage an intervention because they're worried about his alcoholism. Merlin has to sit there and listen to his friends tell him they love and support him whilst trying not to laugh because.... he's been to the tavern maybe twice in his life. Bit of angst in the middle but mostly it's just funny (almost 8k)

After the Lamia Platonic between the knights and Merlin. All of them remember the way they treated Merlin whilst they were enchanted, and it's somehow angsty and fluffy at the same time because Merlin is still kinda freaked out, but the knights feel terrible and want to make it up to him (around 2k)

Keeping you from Harm MERTHUR!! Merlin gets hurt whilst protecting Arthur. Arthur worries a lot and there's a cute love confession and everyone's happy. Even the angsty bits aren't too sad, the whole thing is just really sweet (around 2k)

Ask No Questions More platonic Merthur. Merlin scar reveal (I LOVE scar reveal fics) and this one starts off funny and quickly descends to angst but with a happy/hopeful ending and I love that (almost 4k)

Catch MERTHUR!! Arthur keeps tryna propose and it keeps going wrong. Just really cute and fluffy and wholesome (around 8k) ALSO Hide Your Scars which is technically the first part to Catch, but they can be read separately with no issue. All about the knights finding out about Merlin's magic (and his multitude of scars) one by one, and helping him (12k)

Searching the Sun MERTHUR!! Yet another scar reveal fic, and also a magic reveal. The knights misunderstand Merlin's shyness, and think he might have been (TW) sexually assaulted. Sort of underlying angst but with a very lovely ending (around 5k)

Of Course I Care Platonic but pre-relationship/pining Merthur? Merlin suffers pretty badly from anxiety, and Arthur asks Lancelot how to help him, because he doesn't like seeing him in pain but doesn't know what to do. Cute ending, really sweet and I love it (around 3k)

❤Is This the Best You Can Do? Currently a set of two fics (they don't run directly on from each other, they're just both amazing) about the knights seeing how much of a BAMF Merlin is. He doesn't even use magic he's just really badass and keeps saving the day whilst the knights look on, dumbfounded (first is 2k, second is 6k)

Lace among the rocks MERWAINE!! Kinda angsty, very cute scar reveal, just Gwaine being loving and supportive and it's beautiful (around 1k)

To see you Smile MERCALOT and ARWEN!!! Super cute fixit fic in which Merlin semi-tricks the Cailleach, and saves Lancelot. It's just really cute and I love it (around 9k)

Our Story on Our Skin no romantic pairings, just platonic between everyone and Merlin. Yet ANOTHER scar (and subsequent magic) reveal except SUPER angsty this time. I just. Really love a Merlin scar reveal guys. BIG TW for self harm and suicidal Merlin, happy/hopeful ending (around 7k)

❤The Sacrifices You Make background Arwen, pre-Merwaine. Magic reveal has happened, but Arthur doesn't know about the whole destiny/prophecy/Emrys thing. Evil sorcerer forces Merlin to show all his deepest, most private memories. Everyone, especially Arthur, is made aware of just how much Merlin has sacrificed without asking for anything in return. Really angsty, but happy ending (almost 10k)

❤ A Dragon’s Treasure MERTHUR!!! Super cute. Becoming Dragon Lord has some physical AND mental side-effects, Merlin sorta loves it, sorta hates it. I LOVE this one and it’s just really funny and sweet and cool (around 5k)

❤Knit up your cloak about you MERLIN/LEON!! It's a favourite rare-pair of mine. All from Arthur's perspective. He is struggling as a new King, and wants to bring his two closest friends and advisors together, because he thinks the three of them could do astounding things if they just start to understand each other properly. He finds he doesn't actually have to put that much work in as he watches their relationship develop. It's just really well written and I love it (around 6.7k)

The Court Sorcerer's New Clothes MERTHUR!! Merlin likes to embroider to de-stress and Arthur discovers this. It's just really sweet🥺 (around 2.1k)

Revelations MERWAINE!! Merlin wants to tell Gwaine the truth about his magic, but Gwaine freaks out because he thinks Merlin is about to dump him for Lancelot. A little angst, but mostly just fluff (around 2.1k)

Chasing Heat platonic Leon/Merlin/Arthur. The three of them have to huddle for warmth and Merlin really snuggles in whilst the other two are confused and basically just go "oh. I guess cuddles are happening." and go along with it. Super sweet (around 900 words)

❤The Stars Make Me Dream very brief Merwaine (fwb) but then MERTHUR!! Merlin goes blind after an attack from Morgana, and has to deal with it without anyone finding out. A fair amount of angst, but a lovely fluffy ending. It's just really sweet and I love it (around 20k)

❤Eight Days MERLIN/LEON Merlin has a secret admirer leaving gifts for him in the week leading up to a tournament. It's just really cute and sweet and fluffy all the way through, I love it (around 2.8k)

❤❤The Judgement of Sir Mordred I CAN NOT RAVE ABOUT THIS ENOUGH!! One of my all time favourite BBC Merlin fics!!! Merlin is a Very powerful (and not a very nice) God and Mordred recognises him. The whole thing is just.... so compelling and amazingly written. I can't say anything without giving too much away but godamn. I love it so much (around 2k and every word is perfect)

A Good Death Arthur kills Merlin accidentally at Camlann. The whole thing is super heartbreaking, there is no happy ending, angst all the way through, but it's so good😭 (around 3k)

Throwing Them Through Hoops Merlin makes a bet with a horrible knight that he can throw knives better than all of them. He succeeds. I just love it when Merlin is a BAMF but in non-magic ways (around 3k)

I've Lost Everything Merlin's magic is revealed and Arthur gets all pouty and whiny and tells Merlin that he doesn't know anything about loss. Merlin goes off on one and let's out a lot of pent up misery, to a speechless Arthur. The knights all side with Merlin, and he gives Arthur a choice. (around 3k)

❤A Considerable Headstart Background Arwen, Merlin has been acting odd, so the whole gang follow him into the woods where he meets with a visiting noble. A VERY long and disconcerting conversation is had, the Noble tries to kill Merlin, and then some Druids appear to help their Lord Emrys (after Merlin wins the fight) I don't really know how to describe it without giving it away, but it's amazing. From the Gang's perspective, all realising what Merlin goes through, how much of a BAMF he is, and just... what he is in general (around 14k)

❤Maybe The Hoard Is The Friends We Made Along The Way Dragons hoard things. As it turns out, Dragon-Lords do as well. Merlin discovers what his hoard is after realising that he fully panics if he goes one day without seeing everyone in the Gang at least once. Merlin has to find a way to cope with his... unusual, hoard. This is hilarious and fluffy and I LOVE it. Magic reveal also happens (around 7.7k)

❤❤This is Me Trying MERTHUR!! Arthur knows about Merlin's magic, established relationship. Super fluffy, sweet scar reveal, it's just really cute and🥺 (around 2.4k)

❤❤Did you know? Platonic between all the knights and Merlin!! The knights (including Arthur) confront Merlin about the way he's abused as a servant. It's all very teary and angsty when Merlin is genuinely confused as to why him being treated like that is a bad thing, and the knights realise it's been happening for years, and they've essentially encouraged/ignored it without realising. READ THE TWs!!! (Around 5.6k)

Emrys Smiled Post magic reveal, no pairings! Whilst visiting a foreign kingdom, Merlin punches knight to defend a child. He's brought before the court and a punishment is ordered. His identity as Emrys is revealed and everyone goes 😬 whilst Merlin and the gang go sorta😌. I love it. BAMF Merlin (around 4.4k)

Like Falling (When There's Someone Waiting to Catch You) MERTHUR!! Magic reveal where Arthur actually notices Merlin disappearing all the time, and follows him. Angsty and feelsy but also first kiss and happy ending. There's some like... REALLY vague, implied smut, can easily be skipped over. (Around 19k)

Come Back to Me, My Love MERCALOT!! Merlin kidnaps Shade!Lancelot and restores his proper soul. Angst but with a happy ending it's so sweet I love it🥺 (around 8.6k)

❤Over, Under, Around Through the Heart MERWAINE!! Braiding hair is a courting ritual in Ealdor. Gwaine has no idea about that when Merlin starts braiding his hair constantly, and frankly, Merlin wants it to stay that way so he can indulge in his little harmless fantasy. Except of course Gwaine figures it out. It's so cute and well written I'm in love with this (almost 5k)

You Love Me background Merwaine, but mostly focused on Elyan and Gwaine's friendship. ADHD Gwaine struggles with low self esteem and Elyan has a few things to say about that. I love it, it's so soft and sweet and wonderful (around 1.2k)

❤Merlin has an Irish King Cousin MERWAINELOT? (Merlin/Gwaine/Lancelot), literally what it says on the box. An Irish King arrives to meet with Arthur, and everyone is very surprised when Merlin and the King greet each other like old friends, and start spouting off a different language to each other. A little angst because Merlin was basically shunned by all bar his cousin for being a bastard, but other than that it's super sweet and lovely and kinda funny (around 5.5k)

❤❤The Moment I Said It MERDRED!! Look... normally I hate this ship, but this was so good. Merlin's magic is revealed and he's banished, but Arthur regrets his decision pretty quickly. He and the knights go looking for him so Arthur can at least let him explain his side of the story. In the mean time, Merlin has been captured and is being tortured rather horrifically by Morgana. LOTS of angst, psychological torture, but with a happy ending (around 43k)

❤If I Could Have My Time Again MERLYAN!! A rare pair!! I didn't know I liked this ship until I read it. Elyan and Merlin are captured by bandits together but only Merlin is tortured, because Elyan is worth more unharmed. Elyan finally acknowledges his feelings for the servant, and also discovers his magic. It's so cute and I LOVE this (around 2k)

A Love Story in Four Parts MERWAINE!!! So fluffy, low stakes, just four times Gwaine realised he was absolutely head over heels for Merlin, it's so cute (around 1k)

❤❤The Camelot Spymaster absolutely hilarious. Arthur had NO idea that several years previously he had assigned Merlin as the Spymaster. It all comes out when the gang are captured and Merlin goes "meh. We'll be fine. This is a situation #23" and everyone else goes "???" Arthur is endearingly STUPID in this, and I spent a lot of time looking for this when I couldn't find it again (around 1.7k)

Clumsy Only Goes So Far background Arwen. The servants all see how injured Merlin gets all the time, and think Arthur is the one constantly hurting him. Arthur and Merlin are oblivious to this, until Merlin gets REALLY badly hurt, and George kinda... goes off? In a very small, sarcastic, semi-respectful George kinda way? It's kinda angsty, kinda funny, I love anything where the servants are one big family tbh (around 2.7k)

❤The Burning Truth the gang are discussing whether magic should be legalised or not. Merlin is very tired and kind of sick of it all, so he starts with "My father was a sorcerer..." and then moves on to himself, whilst the gang all sit there feeling kinda guilty because half of them were just trash-talking magic. Lots of angst but with a happy ending (around 2.2k)

His Name is Merlin MERLYAN!! After the Lamia, everyone had come to apologise to Merlin bar Elyan. Merlin doesn't know why he's so upset by this, except Elyan does come eventually and there's some... feelsies going on. Slightly angsty but with a sweet ending. This is cute (around 2k)

The Talent Discrepancy MERTHUR!! Merlin has a lot of hidden talents! Just low stakes fluff with everyone in the gang realising how much of a BAMF Merlin is at various things. I basically love ANY fic in which Merlin can sing 🥺. The Merthur bit doesn’t happen until right at the end but it’s lovely and the last line is just 🤩 (around 4.6k)

❤❤I Can Dance and Play the Part MERTHUR!! Post magic reveal, Merlin and Arthur are married. Merlin suffers from chronic pain from all his old injuries, and he has a SUPER bad day. Arthur and Gaius look after him, and there are also some tender moments of friendship between Merlin and George as well (low-key one of my fave tropes is the servants all being besties) (around 3.5k)

You’ll find your way home (you always do) MERCALOT!! From Percival’s point of view when he and Lancelot are traveling together. Lancelot talks basically non-stop about some dude named Merlin, and Percy decides he must be a decent person, and is quietly respectful of Lance’s little infatuation. It’s such sweet pining (around 2.5k)

A Servant Resting On His King’s Legs MERTHUR!! Gaius walks into The King’s chambers to find Arthur working at his desk.... whilst Merlin works in his lap. Neither seem bothered about this, or the fact that Gaius has seen them, it’s whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Gaius is kinda baffled, it’s sweet (around 700 words)

Hold My Hand Pre-Merthur? Camelot is a huge culture shock for Merlin, and he struggles with anxiety. Feasts SUCK. Normally Gwen helps him through it, but she’s not there one night and Merlin didn’t even have time to prepare himself mentally. Arthur breaks out of his early days prattishness to help Merlin without question. It’s so soft I love this (around 3k)

❤❤Only Destiny Can Save Us Now MERTHUR!! The Gang (including Good!Morgana, Good!Mordred, and Gwen) are captured by a sorcerer looking for Emrys so he can steal his magic. Everything is outed when said sorcerer shows everyone what The Magicians (plus Lancelot and Kilgharrah) got up to last weekend (wiping out an entire army marching on Camelot single-handedly without breaking a sweat). Arthur is mad, and then Gay (around 5.7k)

Blackberries, Griffins and a Kiss For You MERCALOT!! Mostly from Gwaine’s point of view. A few of the knights are away and Lance is missing Merlin. Gwaine tries to figure out what the inside joke involving Griffins is, but ultimately leaves them to it and is happy for his besties. It’s so cute. It’s so sweet. Lots of fluff, no dramatics, just cuteness (around 2.5k)

❤❤❤The Hoard of a Pendragon MERTHUR!! Pendragons have just a touch of dragon blood in their veins. They have hoards, Uther chose to hoard Power, Arthur... well... Uther always told Arthur to NEVER hoard people, and Arthur has never been good at doing what he was told. Arthur hoards the people of Camelot, the people of Ealdor, his knights, and Merlin. I LOVE THIS SO MUCHHHH (around 2k)

no. Just.....no Merthur (but more pre if memory serves)!! Merlin’s magic is exposed to Uther and the court, and he just... sticks around anyway. Uther sentences him to death (after he saves his life again) and Merlin just goes “nah ,fuck you” and keeps serving Arthur?? People keep trying to kill him but he keeps waking up and just... going about his business. Eventually people get used to it and give up. Hilarious, I love it (around 7.6k)

❤It's all about Colour MERWAINE!! Merlin has been blind since birth and Arthur is completely oblivious to this. Everyone else knows, and they’re all very supportive and helpful. Bonding between Merlin and the knights and Morgana and Gwen!! Eventually, in order to fulfil his destiny Merlin needs to be able to see, magic happens, magic ending in FLUFF (around 1.3k)

Sleeping Comfort MERTHUR!! Arthur is struggling to sleep after his father’s death and asks Merlin to stay in his chambers at night. They slowly get cuddlier and cuddlier until they both eventually give in to the fact that Arthur’s never going to let him move out. Oh, and they also realise how ridiculously in love they are (around 7.5k)

How to Woo a Warlock MERWAINE!! Gwaine is trying very hard to court Merlin, but the servant is incredibly oblivious. This is adorable and amazing and I love it. The second chapter is like a follow up and is just smut, you don’t need to read it though (around 15.5k)

Uther’s Bane MERTHUR!! Uther discovers that Merlin and Arthur are together, and whilst attempting to kill Merlin, discovers his magic. Morgana and Arthur kick his arse and all is well in the end :D (around 2.5k)

❤Feathers for the Pillows MERTHUR!! Merlin has wings and has to hide them!! I LOVE this!! Gaius, and later Morgana and Gwen, help Merlin care for them whilst hiding them as best they can, but everyone knows that Merlin has some sort of issue with his back and tries to help. Just all the knights being such good bros. THIS IS ADORABLE!!! (around3.7k)

❤❤Keep her safe MERGANA!! Merlin and Morgana’s magic is outed by the witchfinder, so Arthur helps them escape and they run away to Essetir, where they become nobles/advisors to Cenred (he’s very ooc in this, he’s essentially a good guy) Eventually they fall in love and it’s so lovely and sweet and fluffy!! (around 1.5k)

Newlyweds MERGANA! Post magic reveal, Merlin and Morgana get drunk at some Druid festival and get married. They have to figure out how to tell Arthur. Hilarious, and I love it. (around 1.1k)

❤A Father's Wisdom MERTHUR!!! VERY ooc Uther, in which The King can tell immediately that Merlin is Balinor’s son, but assigns him to Arthur anyway. He finds out about their secret relationship and is awkwardly, endearingly supportive, despite being a little befuddled. Look, I hate Uther just as much as the next BBCM fan... but this is amazing. (around 2.1k)

For Now and Always MERWAINE!! Gwaine panics when Merlin is momentarily lost. Merlin makes a joke about marriage, and Gwaine suddenly finds himself completely unafraid of committing himself to someone for the long-term, so proposes on the spot. Straight up fluff. So sweet. So wholesome (around 1k)

Friendship Merlin and Leon friendship. Merlin is struggling to recover after the Lamia, but Arthur forces him and Leon to take a four day trip into the woods so Merlin can teach Leon about herbs and healing. Leon forces a conversation because Merlin is acting odd and it’s just very🥺(around 3.2k)

❤The consort MERTHUR!! This is fucking HILARIOUS. In a desperate attempt to get Uther to allow Arthur to quest for the Morteus flower, he tells Uther that Merlin is his consort. He then fails to tell Merlin this... for about a year (around 4.8k)

Waiting for them Merlin/Mordred!! I feel the need to once again point out that I’m not a huge fan of this ship, but this is written in such a way that I love it. Merlin and Mordred are both immortal, they spend the first few hundred years trying to actually kill each other, then they just mildly inconvenience each other, then they realise that they need each other, then they fall in love (after a good few centuries) (around 1.1k)

A Golden Age MERTHUR!!! Literally just... fluff. No plot, the dust has settled and everything is happy and peaceful and Golden. That’s it. (around 1k)

❤Tonight We Own the Sky Pre-Merthur I guess? Merlin is trapped in a crypt by one of Camelot’s enemies. He develops severe claustrophobia and has horrific nightmares if there’s so much as a blanket on top of him. Mordred is the only one who knows and Merlin makes him swear not to tell anyone, until he has a nightmare whilst out on patrol and Arthur forces him to spill (around 3.7k)

New Beginnings MERCALOT!! Lance discovers his feelings for Merlin when he gets jealous of Gwaine getting all cosy with Merlin in a tavern. Mercalot kissing and the beginnings of a relationship whilst the other knights cheer in the background (around 700 words)

Jealous MERTHUR!! A visiting Lord is super nice to Merlin, and Arthur worries that Merlin will want to leave with him. When he stays, Arthur decides that the only way he’ll have a chance is if he starts being even nicer. Merlin thinks he’s been enchanted or something. Fluff (around 1.9k)

❤Cry Wolf Pre-Merthur ending!! Big TW for r*pe!! Agravaine r*pes and emotionally blackmails Merlin, so Merlin makes plans to leave with Mithian and not come back because he no longer feels safe. Arthur finds out and tosses his uncle in jail, and feels super guilty for making Merlin believe that he wouldn’t believe/help him. Happy/hopeful ending (exactly 3k)

❤❤Specifically Blue MERTHUR!! Merlin is a selkie!! I usually hate AUs like this but I LOVE this one!! Merlin loses his coat, and Arthur finds it and tries to hand it back without realising what it is. Merlin blurts out what it is, and it turns out Arthur’s known for ages what he is. So cute and fluffy!! Exasperated but supportive Gaius!! (around 3.5k)

An Art in Comprehension MERGWEN!! Merlin wakes up one random morning, and realises how hopelessly in love he is with Gwen. This is so short and SO sweet!! (around 300 words)

❤❤Surprising Depth MERTHUR!! A 5+1 of Arthur accidentally finding out that Merlin is Camelot’s resident bad boy. I can’t remember what order they come in but... Merlin fucks, has a MASSIVE back tattoo, smokes, has the ability to be scary, gives a guy a messy, screaming amputation without even blinking. Oh, and is also a terrifyingly powerful sorcerer. Arthur is... gay. (around 6.1k)

The Effects of Rain Platonic Elyan and Gwaine!! Elyan gets super sick after a rainy patrol and Gwaine looks after him. This is so fluffy and sweet and I love it (around 2.2k)

❤❤Crossing the Line A whole bunch of evil sorcerers successfully storm Camelot. Merlin repeatedly has the shit beaten out of him whilst trying to find Arthur (except like... it’s funny). He bursts into the throne room and is too tired and annoyed and angry to bother hiding his magic so kills the leader and promptly passes out. Leon spends the entire time sulking because he’s been tied up and left in a field. This is super funny and every single character is just. This is hilarious. I love it (around 4.1k)

❤❤❤tell me what it’s like to conquer, tell me what it’s like to burn MERTHUR!! Slow-burn, what if Merlin and Arthur actually had run away together? They get on horses and ride as fast as they can for as long as they can. There’s only so long you can live with the other half of your soul before you fall in love. DOMESTICE BLISS!! THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS EVER!!! (around 2.8k)

When King Becomes Prince MERTHUR!! Arthur and Uther wake up having swapped bodies, this goes about as well as you’d think it would. OOC supportive Uther! Hilarious! Merlin isn’t impressed when Arthur tries to kiss him whilst still in Uther’s body (around 2.5k)

"You're lucky you're cute." MERCALOT!! Merlin somehow manages to convince an assassin not to kill The King by... flirting with him? Lance thinks it’s hilarious, Arthur isn’t impressed (around 800 words)

❤the gold of you that can't be seen MERTHUR!! Soulmate AU where you can’t see the colour of your soulmates eyes until you meet them!! Arthur goes his whole life being unable to see Gold. Momentary angst because Merlin thought Arthur was just pretending they weren’t soulmates, when really, he just didn’t start seeing gold until Merlin first did magic in front of him, years after they met. Funny, cute ending (around 3.5k)

Make Me Better ARWEN turned MERGWENTHUR!! Very OOC abusive Gaius (he bad in this). Arthur does everything in his power to remove Merlin from Gaius’ “care”, and then falls in love with him? But he’s already in love with Gwen? Ahhhh?! Luckily they both feel the same :D (around 4.7k)

❤❤Must Have Been The Wind Merlin comes into his own as a God when people start praying at his temple again. The gang (including Merlin) discovers this when they go to see what’s up with the sudden influx of magic users in said temple. Takes a SUPER angsty turn, but has a happy/hopeful ending. BEAUTIFUL. Just... the way the author writes about Merlin realising what he is, as if he were remembering something he used to be... it’s just beautiful and compelling and wonderful. I LOVE God!Merlin!AUs (around 6.2k)

dancing on the edge [of something new] MERTHUR!! Merlin (post magic reveal) drags Arthur out to dance in the first snow of the year in the middle of the night. Both of them are hopelessly in love and very stupid about it. Super sweet, fluff only (around 1.5k)

❤Of Kings and Hats MERTHUR though honestly Arthur isn’t really in it that much. Very OOC Uther who realises that Merthur is a thing, and trusts Merlin to rescue Arthur when he gets captured. When they get back, Uther is oddly fond of Merlin, heavily implies that he knows about the magic (and that maybe magic isn’t all that bad) and then starts teasing him. It’s adorable, I LOVE OOC Uther (around 1.9k)

Unforgivable MERTHUR!! Arthur gets cursed to be an arsehole to Merlin, and almost kills him. He has no memory of what happened after Merlin breaks the curse, and goes ape shit when he sees how banged up Merlin is, and is promptly horrified when he forces Merlin to tell him the truth. Happy ending (5.3k)

Drugged Up Gwaine accidentally drugs Merlin whilst they and the other knights are in the woods. Merlin proceeds to be utterly adorable (and high) and accidentally reveals his magic to all bar Arthur. The knights have to babysit him and work together to keep his magic hidden and it’s just. Adorable. And funny (around 2.3k)

❤Perfect Arthur doesn’t care that he’s gained a little weight after becoming King, but it suddenly occurs to him that Merlin might care, and he needs a little reassurance. This is just... so lovely and loving and exactly what a supportive relationship should be like (around 1.2k)

Little Miss Pendragon MERTHUR!! PURE fluff with Merlin and Arthur and their adopted little girl. Just... perfect (around 1.9k)

The servant´s tournament Uther announces that there’ll be a tournament for people wanting to be Arthur’s manservant, because of how often he gets attacked (so the servant can act as a bodyguard as well) Arthur accepts that wimpy Merlin will no longer work for him, and gets extra worried when he comes across someone REALLY GOOD training in the woods. Merlin anonymously kicks ass. Uther and Arthur are surprised (around 3.7k)

When the Leaves Begin to Fall MERTHUR!! Merlin is a God, not that he’s told Arthur that, and he starts dying when Camelot is cursed to wilt as he’s the God charged with protecting the land. Few bits and pieces of angst, happy ending (around 3.6k)

Where the Love Light Gleams GWAINE/ARTHUR A rare pair that I love!! Gwaine organises a mini Yule celebration IN Arthur’s chambers, ending in a first kiss. It’s cute, it’s sweet, it’s domestic!! (around 2k)

❤to spill soup (down someone else's front) Background Arwen, focused on Gwen and Merlin being besties. Gwen knows about Merlin’s magic, Arthur doesn’t. Merlin keeps threatening to use it to embarrass a horrible noble who was mean to Gwen. Both funny, and meaningful conversations are had. It’s just sweet and quiet and lovely (around 600 words)

Faithful Are the Wounds of a Friend Arthur sees Merlin’s Serket scar and asks the others (the knights and Gwen) about it... except they all start talking about DIFFERENT scars that they’ve seen on Merlin. Until eventually Arthur just confronts him. Magic reveal, hopeful ending (around 4.9k)

❤I need to stop writing so many fics that can be titled 'Idiot' MERGWAINECELOT!!! Gwaine’s ADHD makes him forget to eat sometimes and he faints. Lancelot and Merlin are suitably worried and look after him!! So cute and fluffy!! (around 500 words)

If you wonder about me too MERTHUR fluff!! Merlin is pining and stupid. Just a few soft pre-Merthur moments that come together in a first kiss and a love confession ( around 4k)

Mornings MERWAINE!! Domestic bliss!! Merlin and Gwaine have been married for a year and have a pretty solid routine (around 300 words)

Wisdom Smarts MERTHUR!! Merlin gets his wisdom teeth removed and is off his head on drugs. This is just really funny and stupid and I love it. Also includes a casual magic reveal and Good!Uther (which I LOVE) (around 1.3k)

He Waits Not [Till The Tumult Die] Background Merthur!! Merlin gets the shit beaten out of him by some mean knights, and Uther is the one to find him. Uther is VERY OOC and is all angry and protective and carries Merlin to Gaius and then invites Arthur to go hunt down those knights with him. TW for mentions of past r*ape. We all know I’m a SLUT (platonically) for OOC Uther (around 1.6k)

cooling off by the river ARTHUR/LANCELOT!!! The knights (and Merlin) are out and about and cool off in a river. Lance and Arthur have their first kiss whilst everyone else cheers. It’s just super sweet (around 600 words)

❤The living and the dead Arthur decides not to use the horn of Cathbandh, knowing that Ghost!Uther would just be a dick. He gives it to Merlin instead, and Merlin summons Will, Lancelot, Freya, and Balinor. Arthur overhears some conversations he shouldn’t have (about magic and destinies and shit) and is angry for all of two seconds before he sees how distraught Merlin is. Happy/hopeful ending :) (around 3.4k)

Gwaine Gives Good Gay Advice Gwaine discovers Mordred moping about his crush in the armoury and gives some brotherly love and advice. No relationships or pre-relationship, but it’s sweet and lovely and soft (around 1.1k)

❤Show Me Your Fears Background/pre-Merwaine. Merlin and the knights are stuck in a magical maze. Everyone knows about Merlin’s magic, but other than Lancelot, they all think he’s fairly weak and useless at sorcery. Each person has to defeat their greatest fear, they think they’ve reached the middle of the maze, until suddenly, an almost exact copy of Merlin appears. Merlin has to fight himself, cue EPIC magic fight in which everyone discovers that 1)Merlin is HELLA powerful, and 2)Merlin has HELLA issues (around 4.9k)

❤❤Have you Heard MERTHUR!! The gang keep hearing more and more ridiculous stories about Emrys (including from several people who claim to be him/serve him), who Arthur is searching for. Lancelot  repeatedly has to hide how hilarious he finds it, and Merlin has to repeatedly hide how furious he is. He finally gets tired of it and just casually reveals it when saving the gang from misunderstanding self-described Emrys Worshippers (around 6.5k)

The Monster in the Mirror Very Horror-y?? A creepy mirror that’s meant to show you your worst fears just keeps showing Merlin a slightly darker version of himself, who tries to persuade him to “let him out”. Merlin goes briefly insane. The ending is HORRIFYING unless you ignore the very last line, in which case it’s happy :D (around 7.5k)

Mud MERTHUR!! Arthur and Merlin get all mucky in the woods. Fluffy and stupid and I love it (around 2k)

hold me like the night sky holds the moon MERTHUR!!! Arthur is very overwhelmed and needs a good cry and a cuddle but won’t admit it. Merlin sees right through him and forces him to talk about his feelings (in like... a healthy cute way). This is so sweet (exactly1.1k)

❤❤For Arthur Eventual MERTHUR!! This is hella depressing, definitely read the TWs, but it has a happy/hopeful ending. Merlin finds out he’s immortal and starts semi-regularly killing himself as a form of self harm. One day, after Merlin’s magic has been revealed (and Arthur had reacted very badly), Arthur walks in on him moments too late (around 18.8k)

Two Queens VS A Snake MERGWENTHUR!! Merlin and Gwen stand up to the knights when they treat them badly under the Lamia’s enchantment. It’s just kinda very BAMFy to be honest with you (around 1k)

❤❤Who's First MERWAINECELOT!! Merlin, Lance, and Gwaine try to sneak back in after one of their secret magicky missions and are trying to hide their injuries from each other. Gaius is all... fatherly, and won’t let any of them get away with not being treated. They all fight over who should go first. This is just.... so wonderfully adorable and I LOVE Gaius in this (around 1.6k)

Oldstones MERTHUR!! (but more background/pre) Merlin can SING!!!! I LOVE that trope!! Merlin regularly sneaks out to sing at an old abandoned ruin, unaware that the locals can hear him and have given him a cryptid-y nickname. The only price that the Lord is willing to accept to allow Camelot knights to pass through his land, is a dedicated performance from Merlin. Everyone loves it and cries (around 2.6k)

Would You Hate Me MERTHUR!! Arthur doesn’t believe Merlin when he accuses Arthur’s new friend of being a dangerous traitor. When Arthur walks in on Merlin trying to undo said guy’s magical trap in Arthur’s room, Arthur accuses Merlin of being the traitor. Merlin runs away to fight said guy and almost dies, Arthur realises how stupid he was. Mutual pining and mutual idiocy (around 3.8k)

❤These Scars Will Bleed Arthur wants to apologise to Merlin for being a dick to him after he got back from the Serket sting. He hardly gets a few words in before Merlin collapses from his injuries, and Arthur freaks out and treats him. Also with a magic reveal because Arthur isn’t as stupid as he seems (at least... not in this AU lol) (around 2.9k)

trusting a friend Platonic Merlin and Leon!! Leon figures out that Merlin always has something to do with Camelot’s miraculous victories WAY before he figures out that he does it with magic. Leon finds out and is supportive and helpful, I love this, and I love him (around 400 words)

the things that you hold MERWAINE!! And background Arwencelot! Merlin had a whole plan on how he was going to reveal his magic to Gwaine, but it goes completely out the window when he just blurts it out the moment Gwaine shuts the door behind him. Merlin rambles, Gwaine already knew, Arthur’s intense stupidity is mentioned in passing. This is so cute and also kinda funny I love it (around 1.6k)

On Shapes and Stories No matter how much he tries, not matter how Gaius tries to teach him, Merlin just can’t read (dyslexia heavily implied but I guess they didn’t really have a word for that in medieval times). Arthur finds out and is adorably sympathetic and kind about it instead of taking the piss (around 2.5k)

❤❤Loyalty and Magic MERLIN/LEON!!! A set of three short stories about Merlin and Leon’s relationship blooming. I LOVE these and I wish that the author had carried on, but the three there are still beautiful :D (1.4k, 1.9k, 1.7k)

❤❤❤Sweet as Cherry Wine Mentions of Merwaine and Merthur but not the point. What is essentially a long ass character study on how Merlin sings really well. No specific narrative, just bits and pieces throughout Merlin’s life and how people react/find out about his singing. A small section of OOC Uther, which is nice. Bits and pieces of angst as well. I really love this, it’s just so gentle and beautiful, the relationships between characters (especially Merlin and Lancelot, and Merlin and Gaius) are wonderfully written (around 16.6k)

❤The Tear in Your Eye FREYLIN!!! Except it’s angsty. It’s the medieval equivalent of Valentine’s Day, and Merlin explains to a concerned Gwen why he’s so miserable. Lovely Gwen/Merlin friendship, sad man times for Merlin though (exactly 1k)

A Moment's Peace Canon!Era Lancelot has tics!! He’s having a bad week and Elyan helps him out. This is so unique and soft and I love it!! (around 2k)

Gwaine's Misadventures in Babysitting FREYLIN!!! Gwaine accidentally agrees to babysit Merlin and Freya’s kids, and it goes about as well as you’d expect. Background Arwen as well. It’s so fluffy and funny and despite my belief that Gwaine is inherently good with children, this is hilarious (around 1.7k)

❤❤A Mark Of Survival Everyone survives Camlann, but Arthur is feeling self-conscious about his new scar. Merlin shows him his own and shares some words of wisdom. They kiss in the end which is also pretty great. I LOVE a scar reveal, but this one is so wholesome and loving (around 1.7k)

❤Freya FREYLIN!!! Angst again, sorry. Merlin has a nightmare and talks in his sleep, Arthur asks who Freya is. Merlin explains, and Arthur is unusually soft and nice about it (around 900 words)

Smiles MERTHUR!! Arthur is a dumbass who realises all of a sudden that he’s in love with Merlin and loves to see him smile. Showing affection through gifts is Arthur’s deal, and Merlin is confused, all the way up until he isn’t (around 1.9k)

"I feel strange." MERTHUR!! Background Morgwen. Merlin (and Gwen) has been away for a few days and Arthur visits Gaius because he feels unexplainably... odd. Gaius is very exhausted and slightly amused. This is so funny and cute, Arthur really is clueless (around 300 words)

Proposal Madness MERGWENTHUR!! Merlin, Gwen, and Arthur all independently plan to propose on the same day. Fluffy chaos ensues (around 1.8k)

Soft Epilogue MERTHUR and MORGWEN!!! Asexual Merthur representation, and also two lovely stories, one told by Merlin about them getting together, and one told by Morgana about how she noticed them. I don’t know how to describe it it’s just... so uniquely written. Deffo recommend :D (around 4.4k)

How to Woo MERTHUR!! Arthur is gay and dumb and takes tips from a How to Woo book to try and impress Merlin. It... doesn’t really work, until he shoves the book in Merlin’s face and says “look at this.” Arthur is so emotionally constipated I love him so much (around 2k)

❤Out of the rain Background Merthur!! But mostly just platonic between all of the knights!! Arthur has a tent, the others do not. He thinks it’s ridiculous that they don’t just invite themselves in and make themselves comfortable. SNUGGLE PILE!!!! (around 1k)

All dressed up The knights are training when Merlin appears wearing a dress because he lost a bet. Arthur realises, in a very subtle way, that he might just be a tad homosexual (around 800 words)

❤❤Would You Let Me Die Arthur is awake when Merlin reveals his magic to Uther’s spirit. He comes to terms with it fairly quickly, but Merlin dies pretty much immediately after. Arthur won’t have that, so he uses the Horn again and basically drags Merlin’s spirit back to the world of the living. Angsty and cute and funny! (around3.6k)

Like a Kicked Dog Arthur/Lancelot platonic!! Background Arwen. Lancelot manages to break himself out of Morgana’s hold as a Shade, and comes back as himself, stumbling into the Throne Room feeling scared and guilty. He comes clean about everything, and Arthur of course immediately forgives him and treats him so gently and softly and just helps him. An odd mix of angsty and fluffy (900 words)

Guilt FREYLIN!!! The knights and Arthur follow Merlin when he sneaks out after curfew just to see him meet up with Freya and cry his eyes out about how miserable and alone he is, and how many lies he’s had to tell. The second chapter is just like... a small funny story of Merlin being incapable of being able to tell the difference between a big truth and a little truth and Freya has to help him. Cute, Hopeful ending :) (around 3.2k)

Hell's Coming With Me MERTHUR!!! A vengeful sorcerer comes back to Camelot years after being banished to turn Merlin into an example. He kidnaps and hangs him in the courtyard so Arthur feels what all the loved ones of executed sorcerers felt. Except Merlin is immortal so there’s a happy ending yay! (around 1.6k)

If You Like to Talk for Hours, Just Go Ahead Now After things die down, Merlin and Lancelot finally have a chance to just catch up. Fluffy and platonic (around 500 words)

❤❤Knocked Out Merlin gets a serious head injury and the knights (including Arthur) look after him. this is so sweet and lovely and I love it!! Merlin being looked after for once!!! (around 2.8k)

Willpower Uther asks Merlin to spy on Arthur for him, and Merlin, Arthur, and eventually Morgana and Gwen, turn it into a competition to see who can come up with the wackiest story before Uther realises that Merlin’s been lying to him. This is so funny. I love everyone just... fucking with Uther with NO consequences (around 1.2k)

❤Cooking Lessons MERGWEN!!! Merlin and Gwen have some free time in the morning so Gwen tries to teach him how to cook. So fluffy, I love it. This pairing really doesn’t get enough love! (around 300 words)

❤Breaking Cages Merlin and Arthur get trapped in a well and almost die. Arthur promises a dead girl’s spirit (the one who had trapped them in said well, coincidentally) that once he’d King, magic will be free. Angst and then softness (around 3.3k)

Guarded by Love LANCELOT/ARTHUR!! Lancelot is allowed to stay in Camelot after he kills the Griffon as a guard, and he and Arthur fall in love (all part of Merlin’s plan, of course) and Merlin stands guard whilst they have lil dates. So cute!! A rare-pair!! (around 1.5k)

Unthinkable PERCIVAL/ELYAN!!! the two of them come to the rather horrifying conclusion that they couldn’t bare to watch the other die. First kiss :D (around 1.1k)

burning up MERTHUR!!! Post magic reveal, Merlin gets really sick and almost dies and everyone panics and frets. Merlin gets looked after again!! YAY! (around 2k)

Perspectives 5+1 Different people’s opinions on Merlin. Somehow, a whole bunch of people independently come to the conclusion that Merlin is some kind of Fae creature. It’s funny, right up until the end where it’s Merthur-y softness (around 3.2k)

❤❤let my arms be your safety net Arthur doesn’t remember what a hug feels like, and accidentally lets that slip. Merlin decides that he has no choice but to hug him right there and then. Lots of underlying angst but the fluffy payback is WELL worth it :D (around 1.5k)

Fault Lines in My Armor MERTHUR!! An alternative for the Disir episode. Merlin reveals his magic and cries a bit (quite a lot) and Arthur is negative for all of 10 seconds before he gets all soft. Happy/hopeful ending (around 2.3k)

Mo Anamchara MERGWEN!! Gwen accidentally discovers Merlin’s magic and reveals her own!! They kiss!!1 I love it!! So soft!!! (around 900 words)

That of the Other Half MERTHUR!! Vague smut in the middle but not really. The boys are stargazing and something feels different. Merlin is a poet at heart but Arthur is still shit at expressing himself and it’s adorable (around 900 words)

❤❤❤Rules The knights (and Merlin) ask Arthur how Uther used to train knights and are horrified when Arthur tells them. Big TW for child abuse. Arthur doesn’t realise how bad it was until Merlin asks how Arthur would feel if those things had happened to him instead. Arthur suffers a bit of a breakdown when it all suddenly hits him at once, and the others look after him. I just LOVE this. don’t get me wrong, it’s angsty, but it’s beautiful (Leon and Gwaine’s reaction are particularly dear to me. Gwaine being protective over Arthur is just such a rare thing to see and I love it) and has a happy/hopeful ending (around 2.9k)

sleepin' in your arms, still dreamin' Merlin suffers from a headwound whilst he and Arthur are stranded in the middle of a blizzard. Arthur looks after him. Ultra soft and fretful Arthur!! (around 2.5k)

❤❤❤Never Let You Go Eventual MERTHUR!! Merlin was abused horrifically in the past by a group of visitors coming back to Camelot again. Arthur, and than the Gang, find out somehow and look after him. This is just.... look I normally don’t have the attention span to read anything longer than 8k, but this is EPIC. There is quite a lot of angst (and some fairly graphic descriptions of torture/past sexual assault) but the comedy (Sir Esmerelda the Assassin Eating Goat) is GOLD and the ending is beautiful!!! The OCs are also incredible!!! I love this!!!! Amazing!!! (around 63.4k)

It's The Little Things Background Arwen, but mainly platonic Merlin/Arthur. Arthur notices that Merlin is feeling a little down and gets him some flowers to cheer him up. This is just so soft and the friendships are written so beautifully and I love it. This fic says FUCK toxic masculinity (around 1k)

Protective Percival Merlin is injured and Percival is the one to look after him. Merlin also reveals his magic in an effort to heal himself (only to Percival though). Just... the way Merlin trusts Percival immediately and without hesitation... I love it (around 1k)

does he know? MERTHUR!! Arthur gets enchanted so that he should fall in love with Merlin but... he doesn’t act any different. Arthur and Gaius try to convince Merlin that the spell just didn’t work, but Merlin is worried something terrible is going to happen. The truth comes out eventually, and it’s rather sweet (around 2.5k)

He Didn't Belong To The Night Merlin/Leon/Elyan Soulmate AU!!! Hella angst to start with, but it has a LOVELY ending (around 800 words)

❤Bowstring Leon almost dies protecting Arthur from an assassin overnight. Arthur panics and is very emotional because he thinks he’s about to lose him. It’s very short and has a happy ending, but it’s just a lovely study on the relationship between Arthur and Leon (around 800 words)

The same old someone (that I knew) MERGWEN!! Gwen worries about when she kissed Merlin. Merlin reveals his magic to her and they get together!! Arthur is supremely awkward when he walks in on them and I just... love him. (around 900 words)

So I'm Gonna Love You (Like I'm Gonna Lose You) MERTHUR!!! Arthur is reincarnated, but his return brings back Merlin’s nightmares. Merlin tries to be self sacrificing and cut of his developing relationship with Arthur to save himself down the line, Arthur isn’t having it. WONDERFUL ending (around 2.8k)

(I'm begging you to) keep on haunting me MERTHUR!! Merlin uses the Horn of Cathbhadh semi-regularly over the centuries, unaware that Arthur can see and hear him when he does. Arthur half wants Merlin to move on and never come back, because he can see how much pain Merlin’s grief is causing him, but he half wants Merlin to never stop coming because otherwise he might go insane, and he can’t bear to be alone. Eventual happy ending (exactly 6.5k)

❤❤Wanna talk about it? LEON BEING A BAMF!!! 6 times Leon cuddles one of his friends to sleep and comforts them and is the perfect big brother, and 1 time they all repay him. I just.... this is the absolute perfect characterisation of Leon in my mind and I love this so much (around 8k)

Freedom MERCALOT!! Just a soft moment between Merlin and Lance post magic-ban-repeal!! (around 600 words)

❤❤The Coronation of Merlin Emrys Hunithson MERGWEN!!! After Arthur’s death, Merlin and Gwen fell in love and got married. Gwen finally persuades Merlin to let her crown him King. This is just... super soft and I love it. It doesn’t diminish Arthur’s (canon) relationships with either of them, but it also doesn’t feel rushed of cheap that Mergwen happened after his death. Merlin often feels guilty about that but Gwen just tells him to stfu and deal with the fact that they’re in love. (around 2.3k

So kiss me, darling MERGWEN!!! Merlin and Gwen share a few more kisses after Merlin almost dies in ep 4. CUTE!! I LOVE!!! (around 3.5k)

❤Man's Best Friend MERTHUR!! Merlin and Leon are immortal, but when Arthur comes back, Merlin’s body... quits on him, basically. He’s been in survival mode for 1500 years, so now that Arthur is back and things are better, he develops SEVERE anxiety. Merlin gets a service and support Dog (and he calls it Gaius. To tell you, I sobbed) (around 2.5k)

In Plain Sight MODERN COLLEGE/UNI AU MERTHUR!!! Merlin is blind, and Arthur is ultra protective. I normally hate Time-Era-Change AUs but I LOVE this!! I’m just a fan of any blind!Merlin fic to be honest (around 8.2k)

❤You’re my angel, baby MERTHUR!! Arthur calls Merlin his guardian angel and Merlin promptly starts... crying? Merlin has severe self esteem issues and Arthur sees fit to put that right. This is so soft and loving and wonderful and just... I love it (around 1.1k)

A Trip to Ealdor MODERN AU MERTHUR!! Arthur is autistic and Will is a complete ARSEHOLE and Merlin and Hunith put him in his place. (Look I normally love Will but he is NOT nice in this) (around 6k)

Unwritten Rules The knights have to explain to a bewildered Mordred that when you find Merlin asleep in random places... you do NOT wake him up. Leave him be, because he doesn’t get nearly enough sleep, and if he NEEDS to be moved, fetch Arthur. He’s the only one who can pick Merlin up without waking him (and without getting punched in the face on reflex) (around 600 words)

❤❤The Essetir Knight MERTHUR!! An abuser from Merlin’s past reappears in Camelot, and everyone worries about him. Arthur figures it out, but not before it’s almost too late. LOT of angst, pay attention to the TW warnings. This is so well written and I love the ending and the developing relationship between Arthur and Merlin and the ending is just lovely as well (around 47k)

Cuddle Bug Merlin wakes up in a good mood and gives everyone a hug. That’s it. That’s the fic. And it’s so cute (around 1k)

❤Do You Have Need of Me? THIS HAS BEEN UODATED!! sO i’VE RE-ADDED IT TO THE LIST!! Merlin is Camelot’s Spymaster (and also essentially an assassin) and has been basically since he arrived in Camelot. He reveals himself to Arthur when he becomes King, and the two of them have to navigate their new dynamic. Merlin feels a little lost and unsure because working as Uther’s Spymaster is VERY different to working as Arthur’s spymaster. Uther was obviously not the nicest. War happens, more is revealed, an eventual happy ending. Lots of God!Merlin towards the end :D (around 33k)

Keep Me Warm MERCALOT!! Merlin and Lancelot get stuck in a snowstorm and it’s fluffy and lovely and a getting-together fic. Merlin is pining just a little and then they kiss :D (around 2.3k)

Moving Day MERLIN/GWEN/GWAINE!! Gwaine moves into Merlin’ and Gwen’s place in their modern day Dragon Sanctuary. It’s just sweet and lovable (around 3.4k)

The Manservant's New Clothes MERTHUR!! Gwen and Morgana spend ages chasing Merlin around trying to get him into a new wardrobe with eventual success. Arthur is a DUMBASS who thinks that giving Merlin a friggin handjob is the only way to distract him from the fact that he heard a noise in the room (it was a suitably horrified George, sent in to steal Merlin’s clothes by Morgwen) (around 3.4k)

A Golden Coin (With Two Sides) Pre-Merthur! Merlin gets cursed to behave temporarily like a dragon, meaning Arthur needs to keep him busy by providing him shiny things to hoard until the spell wears off. Merlin starts hoarding Arthur, which everyone else laughs endlessly at (around 900 words)

Little Miracles It’s meant to be platonic Merthur, but the ending is a little *hand dip*. One of Gaius and Merlin’s patients die in childbirth; Merlin takes the woman’s kids in and becomes both the kids’ and all the knights’ mother. It’s all very sweet and domestic.

❤❤Merlin in disguise MERTHUR!! Gwaine discovers Merlin’s magic, and also his raging self-esteem issues. He comes up with some stupid scheme for Merlin to use his magic to disguise himself and find out what people actually think of him. Arthur admits that he’s in love with Merlin to a random stable-boy (who isn’t a random stable-boy) and George and Leon are apparently in the know? Much to Merlin’s confusion? I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! (around 21.5k)

Endurance Platonic Elyan and Everyone. Elyan breaks his hip whilst out and about and everyone has to look after him when he struggles with the confinement to bed. Everyone is so sweet, especially Leon and Merlin (around 2.1k)

the light in your love for me MERTHUR!! Modern day Merthur head to Blenheim Palace at Christmas to see the light show. Arthur has a surprised. This is just... SO sweet and fluffy and🥺 (around 3.9k)

Revelations MERTHUR!! Merlin reveals his magic in a life or death situation, and Arthur goes “*sigh* fuck, guess I gotta change everything about the way my Kingdom works.” Magic is legalised, Merlin reveals himself to a couple of his friends, and Arthur and Merlin go from awkwardly dancing around each other to being... engaged?? (around 6k)

❤A is for Alone, which you should never be Platonic Arthur/Gwaine/Merlin!! Arthur and Gwaine slowly figure out that Gaius (he bad in this) is not the best guardian, and remove Merlin from his care and look after him (around 4.1k)

❤❤To Forgive Yourself (You Need Courage) Eventual Merthur!! Arthur drives a huge wedge between himself and Merlin post magic reveal by being obviously uncomfortable with his magic and asking him to keep it to a minimum (despite it’s new legality). Arthur is a bit of an arse in this one, but the truth comes out in the end. Angst and then a lovely fluffy ending (around 5.8k)

I'm under the mistletoe (you are the one) MERTHUR!! Morgana deliberately traps Merlin under some magical mistletoe, where he’ll only be able to move from the spot if the person he loves kisses him. Fluffy endinggggg :D (around 2k)

Around the Corner (Secrets Lie) Elyan spots Merlin interrogating and then killing a would be assassin and then... going about his business. He’s very unnerved. This makes it sound super edgy and it is a little bit, but it’s also kinda funny (around 2k)

❤❤For Your Information Modern MERTHUR!! I ADORE this!! Arthur comes out to his father, and Gaius introduces Uther to Merlin, his gay nephew, so that Uther can ask some questions. Uther keeps turning up at Merlin’s place of work to basically interrogate him on the gay agenda/lifestyle. I don’t know how to say this any better, but Uther is incredibly homophobic but like... it’s endearing?? He’s trying SO HARD to understand everything so he can be a better father to Arthur. Instead of trying to change Arthur he’s trying to change himself. Then, once he gets it, he tries to set his new friend up with his son. It’s just... this whole thing is so good and so funny and we know I LOVE Good!Uther!!!! (around 9.8k)

"Duck." Platonic Arthur and everyone. It’s Arthur’s birthday but he’s mostly just sad about his mother. Everyone tries to make him feel better, even Gwaine, who gets him a very unusual but much loved birthday present. This is so sweet and wholesome I love it (around 1k)

❤With You I'm Warmest Established Merthur and then MERGWAINETHUR! Gwaine falls into a lake in winter and Arthur and Merlin look after him, warm him up. This is just cute and sweet and hopeful and warm and lovely (around 4.8k)

The Land of Plenty MERTHUR!!! Winter comes around and Merlin begins nicking more food than normal. Gwen has a heart to heart with Arthur where she explains how winter works in small, poor villages like Ealdor, and Arthur swears to Merlin that Camelot isn’t like that, that he’ll never have to worry about food again. (around 1.1k)

an intimate routine [an art he had perfected] MERTHUR!!! Arthur used to hate shaving, now he loves it. Just a small moment in Merthur’s routine as Merlin helps Arthur shave. It’s a reflection of the love and trust between them, and it’s so sweet (around 2.2k)

Operation Woo Arthur Modern day Merwaine and then MERWAINETHUR! Merwaine are both in Love with Arthur, and on the group’s annual trip there’s a mix up with rooms and Arthur has be in the same room as them. They tell him there’s only one bed. This is so funny and sweet and I love it so much (around 5.3k)

In your arms MERLEON!! Merlin and Leon predictably get stuck outside the city in a storm and have to cuddle for warmth. Sweet, fluffy, not much else :D (around 600 words)

❤If we could just put our love’s broken heart back together again  MERTHUR!! In a moment of anger, Arthur says something incredibly cruel to Merlin. Arthur has to find him and apologise and express his love properly. Angst, followed by more angst, followd by a cute fluffy ending (around 1k)

Carry Each Other MERCALOT!! Lancelot finally lets Merlin tend to his wounds after they take Camelot back, and also decides he’s sick of denying himself what he wants, and that he deserves to go after what he loves. Merlin reciprocates of course. FLUFF, Lancelot finally having some self-love (around 3k)

skinny love MERTHUR!! Arthur asks Merlin to sit with him and taste test his food. Then starts ordering another plate for him. He’s very confused until Gwen explains and he comes to the rather amusing conclusion that he’s dating the Prince. This so so funny they’re both so emotionally inept (around 1.3k)

The most massive characters are seared with scars Merlin’s scars are accidentally exposed and he runs away to have a panic attack. Leon is the one to find him and calm him down (being the only one to know about Merlin’s magic). Merlin and Leon being besties is one of my favourite thing I LOVE this!! (around 1.2k)

❤❤and for you i would wait until the earth sinks beneath the sea (even if we never are to be) MERTHUR SOULMATE AU!! Arthur pretends they aren’t soulmates, Merlin knows but goes ages thinking that it isn’t reciprocated (rare, but possible). Arthur finally, subtly reveals that he knows, but is protecting Merlin from Uther because he knows that Uther would see it as a weakness, and kill Merlin without hesitation. Merlin reveals his magic as a way of showing Arthur that he can look after himself. Lots of angst in the beginning, but the ending is so hopeful and lovely and smoochy (around 5.6k)

❤When it's over MERGWENTHUR!! Merlin is struggling after the Lamia, Gwen and Arthur help. Fluffy and cute (after the angst at least) (around 1.9k)

Marks Another MERTHUR soulmate AU!! Soulmates get matching scars whenever they’re partner is injured. Merlin gets stabbed again and Arthur decides he’s had enough of pretending. Magic reveal, happy kissy ending :D (around 900 words)

Two Weapons and a Promise An odd one. But so very good. Dragoon shows up to talk to Arthur after Morgana takes over Camelot. After a good conversation in which Arthur is forced to consider some things, Dragoon tells Arthur of Merlin’s magic. Hopefuly ending, and a very clever plan on Merlin’s (and the author’s) part (around 2k)

take up arms (your sister is cold) Elyan and Gwen bond before the wedding. Gwen is nervous and Elyan comforts her and tells her how amazing she is and how suited to being Queen she is. So sweet and soft and I love it (around 700 words)

Just Let Me Help You Platonic Merthur! Merlin finally fins a quiet moment to confront Arthur about holding his emotions in after Morgana takes over Camelot. Arthur finally lets go and allows himself to grieve all that he’s lost and lets Merlin comfort him (around 700 words)

After Sleep GWAINECELOT!! Lancelot has a nightmare and Gwaine comforts him. Quiet and soft and lovely (around 400 words)

once in a golden hour, cast to earth a seed MERGWEN!! Gwen discovers Merlin’s magic, but it doesn’t put her off for all that long and they get together. I love this ship and I wish it had more content, so here :D (around 4.1k)

~

OK so that's what I got for now!! I guess I'll keep this list updated with any others I find?

Hope y'all enjoy these as much as I did!!

(UPDATED 28TH DECEMBER 2021)

[homosexuality-at-its-finest]

To love a hero

A/n: So I'm really sad right now and I'm gonna project that onto my writings, sorry in advance

Plot: Loving a hero is a difficult and heart wrenching task

Pairing: Peter parker x male reader

Y/n: Your name

L/n: Last name

N/n: Nickname

H/c: Hair color

Warnings: lotta angst, happy ending because I’m not a monster, cussing, major character injury

Word count: 1774

Y/n L/n and Peter Parker went way back, even farther than Peter and Ned. The two had been friends since Pre-K, and only grew closer as the years went by. The two were almost interpretable, if one of the boys was seen, the other was close by.

No one really understood their friendship, but no one questioned it either. In high school the two boys became impossibly closer, Y/n was the first to know about Peter’s abilities, the brunette couldn’t keep something so big from his best friend. Y/n was there and helped make his first suit, the boy was there to soothe his aching bones and to nurse his blossoming bruises.

The pair shared an unbreakable bond, they were what love stories depicted. The love between them was seen by everyone but the two. Of course, Peter knew he was in love with Y/n and vice versa, but for two genius’ they were both dumbasses. Hell, even Tony stark noticed the young love blossoming, the billionaire could see how much the pair adored each other.  

On multiple occasions he’d tried to coerce the young superhero into admitting his feelings but was always given the same response.

“Y/n doesn’t like me like that Mr. Stark, I’m not ruining our friendship over my feelings.” Simple and to the point, but it drove Tony insane that the young genius was so fucking blind. He opted against bringing it up again after seeing such clear pain in Peter’s eyes every time they talked about it, being a bystander as time passed by.

Maybe Peter couldn’t see how enamored Y/n was with him, but Tony could. Especially as he clutched the said boy against his chest as he let out guttural and heart wrenching sobs.

It had all started off as a normal Saturday, Peter was over at Y/n’s the two sitting on the couch and watching some unknown movie, it was purely background noise. The two boys were to focused on each other and their conversation to care about the movie. The domestic peace was ruined by Peter’s phone chiming, a familiar sound that always caused dread to run down Y/n’s spine.

It was the sound of Peter’s police scanner, hearing the radio chatter begin. “Unknown entity in central park, currently creating a perimeter and pushing back civilians, backup requested.” The look of determination crossed over Peter’s features, and if Y/n knew Peter would listen, he’d beg for him to let the avengers take care of it.

“That’s my cue, I’ll see you later N/n!” Peter did a mock salute to his best friend, easily escaping the home via window. For some unknown reason Y/n felt on edge, his gut tightening painfully. He immediately flicked on the news, only having to wait a few moments before the familiar figure of spiderman flung into frame.

The fight was nerve wrecking, watching as the Villain and superhero alike exchanged punches and kicks, and Y/n knew Peter was probably making stupid quips to keep his anxiety under control. The H/c haired boy gnawed on his bottom lip as he watched the fight escalate, getting more violent by the second.

The villain had hit Peter with all their might, and Y/n could only watch as the boy he loved more than anything was flung against a building before he crumpled to the ground. It was as the world stood still, stealing all the breath from Y/n’s lungs as the figure of spiderman didn’t budge, he didn’t get up. Peter promised he’d always get back up.

He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on, air was to thick to breathe and he could feel the moisture running down his face and the devastated cry that left his lips went unheard. The boy couldn’t really remember when Happy arrived at his house, a grim expression on his face as he looked at the disheveled teenager.

Y/n couldn’t remember the drive to the compound, it was as if his brain had just shut down, leaving him devoid of any life. Maybe that’s what Peter was like right now, devoid of life. His constant chatter silenced, his jittery movements stilled, his beautiful face pulled into the blank look of death.

The teenage boy could remember that Happy had to pull over so Y/n could vomit on the side of the road, silent sobs clenching his lungs in their vice. Never in all of his short life had he felt so much pain, never had he begged for the sweet release of darkness as he did now.

The H/c haired boy begged any god that would listen for this to be a nightmare, that he’d wake up and he and Peter would still be on the couch. The brunette would tease him for falling asleep, but he’d take anything to make this pain go away.

When he finally got to the compound and saw Tony waiting, the same grim look on his face as happy, it felt like every last shred of his strength and control was gone. Y/n collapsed into Tony’s arms, breaking into pieces. He only processed a few words “surgery” “critical” and “I’m so sorry.” Everything blended together as the billionaire led him to the medical wing, holding onto the breaking teenager, as if his touch would mend him.

Hours felt like eternity, it was hellish. The sobs that once left the teenager were turned into deafening silence, the occasional sniffle leaving the boy, comforting Tony that the child was in fact still alive.

May had shown up at some point, Y/n couldn’t honestly remember when, or honestly care. Not when he felt like part of himself was missing, leaving a gaping hole where Peter once was.

Good news came in the form of a doctor informing them, at hour 4 of waiting, that Peter had survived the surgery and was now stable. If it wasn’t for his healing factor, the teenager would’ve been dead. He was under sedatives currently, so his body could work solely on healing.

It felt like a weight off of everyone’s chest, he was okay, alive and breathing. The 3 walked in silence to Peter’s room, May and Y/n taking their respective sides on Peter, as Tony sat at the foot of the bed.

Hours were spent in silence, May haven fallen asleep not to long after receiving the news that Peter was okay. Tony and Y/n stayed awake, both lost in their own thoughts. The teenager held Peter’s hand, thumb brushing over his knuckles silently. His eyes rarely left the still form, scared that if he looked away the boy would disappear from his grasp.

“Yknow what sucks about loving a hero?” Y/n’s broken voice cut through the silence, starling Tony from his thoughts. He didn’t reply, his gaze falling on the teenager. Y/n looked over at Tony and fuck that look should never be on a child. He looked so broken, so tired.

“I know he’s going to die long before me, and I’ll be stuck in this fucked up world without him.” A humorless laugh broke through the boys’ lips, it sounded watery and oh so broken. “I’m not ready to live without him Tony.” A quiet sob left his lips, his free hand going to stifle it.

“I love him so much, and it scares me so fucking bad.” Y/n’s eyes moved back over to Peter, shakily bringing the sleeping boy’s hand up to kiss his knuckles. Tony felt his chest tighten painfully; this was really a reminder that they were just kids who grew up way to fast.

“He’s not going to die Y/n, not if I have anything to say about it.” Tony replied in a surprisingly gentle but determined tone. He’d be damned if he let this pair get separated, Peter and Y/n deserved to be together. To grow up together and create a life.

The room fell into silence after that, neither of them wanting to broach the topic again. In the early hours of the morning Peter’s doe like eyes opened once more. Every inch of his body ached with an indescribable pain, and he had to hold back a grimace. He was surprised to see the 3 most important people in his life strewn about the room, two fast asleep. Y/n was still awake though, clasping Peter’s hand like a lifeline has his tired eyes burned into the sheets.

Peter gave his best friends hand a gentle squeeze, but it was enough for the boy’s head to shoot up so fast Peter was scared he’d get whiplash. “Peter! Oh, thank God.” The H/c haired boy breathed out, and even through his eyes were red and puffy from tears and purple bags so dark they looked like bruises bloomed under his eyes, he was still the most gorgeous creature Peter had ever seen.

Peter gave a weak smile, squeezing his hand once more. “How long have I been out?” He questioned; head tipped to the side like a curious puppy. “About 12 hours.” Y/n replied, voice cracking slightly.

The gentle aura Y/n held around him quickly disappeared into one of anger. “If you ever do that to me again Peter I swear to God, I’ll kill you myself.” Y/n spit out angrily, but the anger was gone as fast as it had appeared.

“I thought you died, and that was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I love you, and I’d rather you be with the land of the living.” The confession was made by a boy to tired to process he had said it.

Peter felt a wave of guilt crash over him at the boy’s confession. He knew now wasn’t the time to talk on the subject. “I’m okay N/n and trust me I won’t be doing that again any time soon. Why don’t we sleep and talk again in the morning?”

Peter was exhausted, and he knew his best friend was too, they could talk about this at a later date. As Y/n made a sound of agreement, laying his head against the mattress, Peter knew that everything would be okay. It didn’t matter what horrors he faced, or what pain he went through. He had made a promise to Y/n. He’d get up every time, and he’d be damned if he ever made the Boy he loved go through that pain again.

[shunchitaro]

How haikyuu characters would react to you crying

(Ofc we're starting with my #1 simp😌💅)

1. Tsukishima Kei

Tsukishima was walking down the hallways. He had forgotten his Maths notebook in one of the classrooms he'd been in that day and he desperately needed it to review for next weeks test. He was strolling down the halls with his headset hanging on his neck, his hand in his pocket and the other holding his phone as he scrolled through social media. He was about to go to the classrooms on tje floor above him when he heard a small snifle from one of the classrooms he'd decided to skip (he knew he didn't go in them the whole day). Not knowing what made him do it, he walked up to the classroom door and discreetly opened the door, peering inside.

He saw a small figure at the very corner of the room, knees up to their chest, their hair covering their face. Tsukishima cleared his throat. "Uhm...e-excuse me?" He says. The person at the end of the room flinches as they realize there is another presence. The person looks up, but Tsukishima couldn't recognize the person. Suddenly, a gush of wind blew through the window, letting in the light.

Tsukishima felt as if his heart would break into a million pieces. The person at the cor er of the room was Y/N. Tears were streaking down her face, her eyes sore and red and her hair a mess. Tsukishima didn't like seeing Y/N like this. He quickly walked over to Y/N and knelt in front of her. He didn't know what to do. He quickly took off his volleyball jacket (the black one idk what it's called sooo😗✌️) and set it on Y/N's shoulders. "How dumb can you get pipsqueak? You'll get a cold, it's freezing outside." He whispers harshly, but not too harsh so as to not scare you. You stare up at him through your hair and give him a small sad smile. "A-arigatou, Tsukishima-kun." You whispers and grip onto the fabric. 'Weird..smells just like green candy apples...' you think. The scent calms you down and you soon stop crying, the tears drying on your face.

Tsukishima crawls next to you. You tense up as he puts his hand on your hair, making your head lean on his shoulder. You smile a bit. "I thought I had the 'shorty virus'?" You ask jokingly. You move your head to look up at him and you see a smile about to form on his face, but it immediately goes back to poker face. (Like BrUh just smile already I need it🤧) "This is a one time thing you pipsqueak...you look like you need it." He says, whispering the last bit in embarassment. You give a small laugh as you turn your head to look back at the classroom floor. "Thank you Tsukishima-san, I really did need it." You whisper. "What happened" he says, and you begin to regret saying you really needed the comfort. "I'm not in the mood to tell--" "I wasn't asking pipsqueak. What happened" he cuts you off mid-sentence, and tou could immediately tell he was serious. You sighed. "My team mates have been...a-against me lately." You whisper. You could feel Tsukishima move and you knew he was staring at you. "Be specific, I don't speak 'shorty language" he says. It takes you a while before responding. "You know how i'm part of the girl's volleyball team right..?" You ask, to which you recieve a "hmm" (which meant yes) and you continue your explanation. "We...had a match against Miyamura (was it Miyamura or--) Girl's School. I was the only Middle Blocker available. I couldn't hit Aoi's (random girl from club) sets and we lost." You whisper. "And..? What does the loss have to do with you?" He asks. "They've been giving me the cold shoulder all week and I think it's because they blame me for losing the match." You whisper, tears dripping down your eyes again. "Tch, why the heck are you thinking that?! It's not your fault. Ari or whatever her name is didn't practice setting to you properly. In order for the middle blocker to have a perfect spike, the setter has to make sure that their sets match with the middle blocker's timing. If there's one person to blame it's Ani." He says. You start laughing a bit and you try to cover up your laughs but he hears. "Why are you laughing?" He asked. "Th-thanks for cheering me up Tsukishima-san but her name isn't Ari or Ani. It's Aoi." You reply, laughing a bit. You feel.him ruffling your hair.

"So did it work?" He asks. "What do you mean?" You ask, looking up at him. "Do you feel bettet getting it off of your chest?" He asks. You look back down at the ground and smile. "Yes, thank you Tsukishima-san." You say. You feel him tug at a bit of your hair. "Tsk, just call me Kei pipsqueak, saying my whole last name is a waste of breath." He says. "But what about the others? They all call you Tsukishima." You ask. He snickers "I could care less about the amount ot air that leaves their lungs everytime they say my name." He says and you laugh. You see him take something from his pocket. it was earphones. He inserts one in your ear and one in his. "Wanna listen to music? It'll help you calm down. Your choice" he says and you smile. "Uhm..what about...Einaudi Experience? (Or any song you want)" you ask. This time, you finally see a smile on his face. "That's...my favorite song." He says. He looks at you and you look at him and you both smile and you both look away at the same time, and he played the music, and you both fell asleep.

Sugawara, Tanaka, and Kiyoko were going around the school, looking through classrooms. "Where is Tsukishima? And Y/N? Practice started 15 minutes ago! Kiyoko, look over there." Sugawara said, half worried and half mad. They looked separately until they heard a gasp. They turned to Kiyoko and was able to see her hold her ohone up and snap a pic. "What are you doing, Kiyoko-san?" Suga asks. They come over and they see Tsukishima and Y/N sleeping with each other. "aww...Y/N had a really bad day today and I think Tsukishima found her here." Kiyoko said, her "MY SHIP HAS SAILED" expression seen on her face. Tanaka suddenly felt glad but didnt know why. "So the salt has gone sweet eh? That's new" tanaka says. "oi Goddess, send me that picture. Blackmail reasons." He says. Kiyoko immediately send the picture and Suga has to drag them away to the clubroom

They walk in and Daichi is looking around them. "Where are they?" He asks. Suga grabs Kiyoko's phone and tosses it to Diachi, and he catches it. "The salt is sweet today." Suga says as Daichi looks in shock at the picture. "This is nice and all but they should do that after practice--" daivhi gets cut as Tanaka suddenly appears in front of Daichi holding a volleyball. "Finish that sentence and I won't hesitate to let your friend the floor greet your face with open arms." Tanaka threatens, and Daichi shuts up. "I'd rather live, thank you." He says and walks away.

[rebloged-content]

Recommended Sanders Sides creators

Marry Christmas, everyone! And a wonderful December day to all of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, too. Let’s be honest right off the bat, though: I’m only using the date as an excuse to do this list anyways.

So. Throughout the time I’ve spent as a part of this wonderful corner of the sanders sides fandom over here on tumblr, I’ve often found a new creator and wished I’d found them sooner. It kind of makes me wonder who else I might miss. If you do to, here are a few creators I’d love for you to check out. You’ll probably recognize some of the names, if not all, but maybe you’ll find a new favorite creator here?

And to the creators in question, I really love your content. If you’ve made it onto this list, you’ve definitely cause one or two sleepless nights of reading for me, because who needs sleep if I can have this, right? XD Whatever you’ll find written next to your name is the impression you’ve left on me and… Well, just know that you’ve made some days of my life at least a little happier, all of you. And I hope to repay the favor by telling you how much I appreciate you releasing your content into this world… Well, repay the favor at least a little, I suppose.

Let’s begin, then, shall we?

@5am-the-foxing-hour Because this? This is who you go to if you want to read good Janus-content. You are in a mood to read sympathetic Janus? Wanna see the danger noodle just casually interact with other sides? Go to their short stories. I mean, “the cult”? Prime example of how to tell a story with impact in just a few words. 8 paragraphs, but boy did I read that one on repeat. Or “water spray bottle”, this one is fun, short and will make you laugh. An energy drink for the fander heart, so to say.

Then there’s their mafia-au, “there’s more in me than precious metals”. Six are out so far, and I adore every single word of every single part of this. Protective Remus, sassy Janus, angst, comedy relief, destruction, Roman-Remus-sibling-rivalry, braincell Logan, survival instinct Virgil, working together over a common enemy… This fic has it all, believe me. Take your time and read it, because you will read the entire thing in one go once you start. At least I did, and I didn’t even notice.

And their advent writings? Those had me squealing and jumping around in a way I will deny if anyone ever sees it. I don’t even know what else to say, they are fucking fantastic and that’s that.

So, yeah. Go check them out, before I start fangirling about them even more. You know my personal favorites now, so just go there. You won’t regret it.

Next up is @coconut-cluster. Ah, yes, Lexi. Lexi, whose uni-AU started as self indulgent and has become the loceit story on tumblr. We all know her, or at least most of us do, and we all love her too. And while I also drop everything I do at any point of time I possibly can once I realize the uni-au has any form of new addition, there are a lot of other fics created by her that you should check out as well.

Did you, for example, ever want a sappy prinxiety one-shot with the sappiness only being implied, a mutual understanding of “we’re-not-saying-we-care-but-we-both-know-we-do” born from joking reassurances and a not-a-date-nope-only-a-break? While that may seem to be a tall order, that is exactly what “before the sun goes down” is. Plus there’s ice cream. Or maybe you’re more of a logince fan? Do you want a fic where Roman isn’t the prince but serves His Highness? Do you like sincere talks while you’re procrastinating showing your face to the subjects you don’t really want to rule over? In that case, you really should read “Viva la Vida”. Careful, though, this one is so sweet you’ll probably get a toothache… There also is an analogical fic that I’ve enjoyed very much: “Cracks in the Ceiling”. I love it, because it’s just calm. Fears creeping up on you, thrown away by a trusted friend with a few words, just by being there and playing into the metaphors you head created this time around. It’s calm, and there’s not really a climax or anything, but it doesn’t need one. Because it’s just a glance into everyday life. It’s beautiful in its own right, really.

What I’m saying is, Lexi has a lot more wonderful stories to tell than the uni-au. It’s the most popular one, sure, and it’s one of her best works. But you really should check out her other fics as well. Lexi herself once said that she writs fics she’d like to read. I would figure it’s because of this, but her stories are mostly things you don’t really find anywhere else. Dynamics, stories, world building, all of those are aspects you may find somewhere else. But Lexi is just one of those people who see what they miss in a fandom and create it themselves, and among these creators Lexi is my favorite. She just has that certain skill that makes that approach to writing result in the most enjoyable reading experiences. Lexi’s fics are special, because they’re different, because they are authentic and you can feel that when you’re reading her work.

@djpurple3 is another talented individual I want to talk about. I have to confess, DJ is, as far as original content goes, almost exclusively locked in my brain with the fiction “I just keep loosing my beat”. 23 Chapters so far, one better than the last. It’s a bitter-sweet story following Remus and his children, after the bitch of a mother has been brought behind bars. Abusive piece of shit. Yeah, I don’t like her much. But the story is so full of love and support, everyone trying their best, everyone seeing how much the others deserve the world and wishing they could give it to them… Roman and Remus have a sibling-dynamic I would die for here, too. Patton is just the most adorable friend to Deceit - here Damion - Virgil is a precious bean, Logan is cute and the teacher we all wish he’d had ourselves and… god, I could keep gushing about this fic forever. I’ll stop now, though, before I’ll start spoiler things. Wouldn’t want to do that, especially since I really, really, really want more people to give this a go. It’s not underrated, I just think everyone who doesn’t is missing out by a lot, so… Go over there and read DJ’s fic right fucking now, if you haven’t already read it at least once. Thank you.

@delimeful​, our wonderful lime-friend with a cute cat making a terrifying face in his header. First of all, there is the WIBAR universe, short for “Watch it burn and rust”. 5 chapters in act one, 4 intermissions (one of those with three chapters), one chapter of act two, as well as three extras and an au of this au called “the end of being alone”, and I’ve lost count of how many nights I spent reading those instead of sleeping like I should. (Or interacting with family. Or being productive. Or… It’s really a good story, okay?!) WIBAR is a deathworlder au. So a space au in which humans are regarded as dangerous deathworlders who can survive on a deathworld like earth. In other words, Virgil is the only human, and boy does that scare everyone around him. And the best part? You can feel the development, the shift in mentality regarding Virgil, feel the moment approach in which he isn’t a threat but a companion instead.

And, apart from the fic that inspired me enough to start writing “TINND!R?” over on my writing blog, there are a lot more amazing fics to read on lime’s blog. He wrote “How easy you are to need”, for example. It’s soft, it pulls at just the right heartstrings, it’s achingly hopeful and, god, the ending still has me in tears, even after the fifth - ? sixth? something among those lines - reread. This one’s a werewolf au, actually. Virgil is the werewolf, Logan, Patton and Roman are the humans.

Do you want yourself some of that pre-AA dynamic? I’d recommend “to taste your beating heart”. In this, Virgil gets separated from the rest of his group of vampire hunters and gets turned into a vampire himself, loosing his memories. And he’s “Anx” now, not “Virgil”, goddamnit! He isn’t their friend anymore, why don’t they understand that? Well, probably because they can still see Virgil’s old habits shining through. There’s a lot of tension, a lot of angst and a whole lot of frustration involved in this.

He also wrote some amazing one-shots. They’re mostly so well written that I’m almost sad not to be waiting on a continuation. There’s “the littlest mermaid”, in which Virgil goes to investigate a noise, finding a scared, tiny mermaid in need of help. In “community gardens” we have Remus being Remus, gaining the interest and friendship of the forest’s giant Logan. “Magical mutualism” tells the tale of a witch and a demon making a pact beneficial to both parties and opening the doors neither could have gone beyond alone. The way we’re all confused about our ships not actually having set sail yet comes to a hight in Virgil in regards to his friends in “amateur matchmakers”. And this is the point at witch I stop talking before I actually recommend every single one of lime’s fics instead of just my favorites as I had planed because I started to gush too much… XD

Let’s move on to @muppenthings​. Mupp is an amazing artist and she created a giant mermaid au. There’s this one orca who’s just… We love her, but I actually don’t think she’s the brightest. I really, really love her, though. Virgil himself is being a little protective over his human friends and casually so. I love this comic series for the art style, but I also love the way it makes me crack a laugh at least once per work. Or appeal to my mother-instincts, if it’s about baby Virgil. Too cute for his own good, I tell ya! And the facial expressions! The detail, the jokes, everything about this is wonderful. You should at least take a look.

@whenisitenoughtrees​. Cat got me with “This cup of yours tastes holy (This lie is dead)”. “A slow voice on a wave of phase” was next, later “Infinity and beyond”, “we are not alone in the dark with out demons” and “changing of the guard”. And then, suddenly, the night was over. I’ve read almost all of the fics in one go, and I’ve been semi-frequently visiting her master post ever since. When “There’s an endless road to rediscover” came out just a little while back, that lead to me re-reading through almost the entire list. I don’t regret it, my plans for that weekend would like to disagree.

These six fics I mentioned here are, by no means, the only ones I enjoyed. Those are just the ones I’ve found myself opening up again and again in sleepless nights. Those are the ones that pop up in my head and have me smiling to myself in the middle of god-knows-whatever-I’ve-been-doing-at-the-time.

Angst, fluff, hurt-comfort, you’ll find everything in that list. And something I’ve grown to like about Cat’s fics even more than anything else is the quick change between feeling perplexed, a startled laugh at certain wordings (you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it) and apprehension. These fics will have you at the edge of you seat, swooping you away on an emotional roller coaster. And, god, the way Cat writes from Remus’ perspective? The introductions of her stories and the way she redirects to the main topic after going into detail on something? I saved a few paragraphs as screenshots on my phone because I love them and I want to read them again when I’m down. I just… Cat’s great.

Next up is @eliemo. Because Elias Virgil is the royalty of Virgil angst. From the touch-starved Virgil we’ve all had a head cannon of at one point in “Heart of Ice”, over ace Virgil panicking over telling his boyfriends that he his ace and didn’t think to tell them before in “Love our way” to so, so much more.

Mostly EV follows the story arc of an underlying feeling of dread at the beginning, which slowly grows into panic, exploding in a storm of angst and concludes in everyone, or at least whoever is around, coming to the rescue and helping to calm down, with the end being the hope for getting better in the future. They always manage to convey the confusion, fear or just the general thought process so well that you can’t help but get absorbed in the story. They know exactly what to say and what to leave between the lines to get the maximum effect. And, your heart will definitely be shattered after their angst. Still, the way the sides comfort each other and support each other so well every time is just… I love their stories, a lot.

I want to make two more suggestions if you want to check out this creator. A Janus angst fic, which can only be described as “ouch” you’ll find under the name “snake bite”. It hurts in the best way possible, because Janus gets the comfort he deserves.

The other suggestion gets a lot darker. It’s about Virgil having been abused by the “others” before he got accepted into the light side. The others are shocked to find out what has gone on behind their backs and they help Virgil in every way they can to recover. Of cause it’s a rocky path, though. This would be “Learned Behavior”. The series/au has twelve stories so far, one of which has two parts. You’ll find the master post for this pinned to the top on their blog.

If you like angst, you should also give @maybedefinitely404​ a look. Ly has a soulmate-au going, in which they use the concept of “you hear the music your soulmate listens to”. "Music in my head” is a prinxiety fic, but the two of them have yet to meet. Four chapters and two mini-fics in. The reason I mentioned angst is because in this - spoiler alert for the first few chapters here - , Virgil gets put through conversion therapy. Luckily Janus and Logan are better foster parents than the ones who did that to him.

They also have a master list for all their soulmate stories, featuring different ships. Apparently they participated in soulmate month, if I understood that correctly. And to be honest, that was how I even found their account. I absolutely adore their anxceit fic, which takes place in a human au. It’s starting off pretty sad, but the bonding moments are absolutely wonderful. It’s a lovely story, and the ending is one of the best ones I’ve yet to read. Their logince fic took my breath away, too. A flower shop/tattoo artist au, and Logan is the tattoo artist. Stunning writing, wonderful world building, just the right amount of backstory to have everything make sense without overwhelming/drowning the reader in unnecessary details. Their moxceit fiction… Well, this one had me in tears within the first few paragraphs. It’s terrible and you feel for Janus, whose perspective this is written from. The ending, though… Gods! The ending was so indescribably cute. To be honest, all of the soulmate stories are great, these three are just my personal favorites.

Concerning their one shots, you’ll probably have to figure it out on your own concerning this. I haven’t been able to read all of them yet, as sad as that makes me. Definitely palling on doing it in the future, though. I did read two of them, though. “Pippity poppity” really was amusing, and I am so looking forward to the second part of “The Boy who sings next door”. The way they write the dynamics between the sides? I live for that.

Another creator I would like to recommend is @maybe-im-tired.They don’t have a master post, as far as I could see, but they only post their content anyways, so… “Can’t take my eyes off of you” is my favorite out of their fics so far. I mean, the way they managed to fit the sheer chaos that is intrulogical into this one short fic is amazing. And you could take about two thirds of what Remus said and put it up on your wall as out-of-contexts-quotes. Don’t worry, he says them out of context anyways, and they will definitely make you laugh. 

The series of short stories for the human au that starts with “Glowing stars” is another au by them that you will almost certainly like. We have Logan and Virgil as kids (about 7 I think), Remus and Patton as single parents, Roman as the most adoring uncle, Emile as babysitter and Remy as his amazing partner. Remus is a great father, wonderfully chaotic as well. And a teacher! Imagine that, Remus as your teacher... He’s great with kids though, as long as they aren’t entitled villains come to make his precious Virgil feel bad, that is.

They also wrote a bunch of “random one shots”. They are all amazing, but my favorite has to be this one. It’s a logince one, once again human au. Patton may or may not tell his big brother’s crush about the feelings he wasn’t prepared to share yet. You know, as small kids do. It’s soft, it will make you smile as much as Logan does, and I love Remus in it. I generally like how they write Remus, okay? I know how much I’ve said it, but I’m not even exaggerating. They always write him differently, and all versions they write him as are so, so lovable and just… I wanna hug the life out of all Remus versions they wrote, okay? Take a look, you’ll know why.

Anyways. Let’s continue with @figurative-siren-song. This is the last account I’ve followed and I’m still sad about it having taken me this long to find them. Little salty, to be honest. (I’ll stick to they/them because they said just not to use she/her, and, well… consistency, you know? Don’t have much, so I have to get what I can XD). When I finally did find them, I went through their entire master list (at least all of the ships with characters I actually know. I’m kinda bad with the shorts characters, so I usually just… avoid them? Idk. Personal preference, I guess), and, well… I would honestly recommend every single fic on that list. They call themself “Repair Fluff King™️” and they deserve that title. But when they warn you that a fic will be angsty, it will be angsty.

I found them through the anxceit fic “A Deal”. Well, through an animatic by their friend on youtube that had linked the fic, but details. I’ve been reading this fic up and down again and again. It’s just so good! And when they talk in the second part and Janus explains why he proposed that deal. Or in the continuation, which i can’t talk about because I will probably spoiler things! So wholesome!

 Also, their losleepxeity fic “We’re worth it”. So soft! The nicknames, the plot, the everything. It’s softer than clouds look, and we all know that means something.

But, really. Everyone will find something for them by this creator. So many ships, all incredibly well written, and soft and fluffy without getting boring in the slightest. It’s as energizing as coffee, actually. And, let’s be honest, this whole fandom drowns itself in angst most of the time. Take a break from that, repair your broken hearts with goof fluffy content that you’ll want to read over and over again. Go check this creator out. You will love them. 

Last but not least… @myfriendsasthesides​ A blog by a creator who just takes the wonderfully chaotic dynamics of a friend group and using that to give us content of incorrect sides quotes. Maybe it doesn’t fit with me going on and on about fics here. I don’t care. Follow them and turn on those notifications, please, because seeing even one post of theirs on your dashboard will make your day. It’s funny, it’s absurd, it’s chaotic, it’s making you jealous of them for having friends like that. Believe me, you will want to see those posts. It’s just… the random shots of serotonin and dopamine out generation needs really fucking desperately 100% of the time. 

That’s it with the list! Eleven creators I absolutely adore, and I’m sorry I was babbling so much all the way through, but… Well, actually I’m not sorry. And actually, half of the reason I even made this post is to tell them how much I love them and fangirl about them a bit. So… Yeah. Well.I love you guys and hope you’ll have a wonderful day! And to everyone else reading this: I hope this helped you ind some new creators you can enjoy. And a good day to you too, of cause.

Sincerely, Joy 🖤

(@joylessnightsky/@sanders-sides-fic)

[darling-dummy-blogs]

A Dummy's Heartbreak- Victor Li (PT 1)

Summary: Cassie and Victor broke up 4 months ago and haven't spoken to or seen each other since they went their separate ways. The day of their anniversary comes around and after realizing the importance of the day, Cassandra is hit with intense and conflicting emotions. She ends up irrationally calling Victor and admits...

Paring: Victor Li x Cassie (OC)

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Mentions of break-up and alcohol use.

Fandom: Mr. Love Queen's Choice

Word Count: 2.3K

Notes:

Backstory; After Cassie and Victor broke up, Cassie left Loveland City and moved back to her hometown, she found a job at a production company and lives in her (now deceased) parent’s house with her aunt (who took over as the head of the house to care for Cassie’s younger siblings after their parent's death ( and yes she has siblings))

This part will be Cassie’s POV (1st Person View)

Here it is! The first part! So Sorry for the delay! I appreciate in all the support everyone has given me to write this piece and I'm feeling even more encouraged to write more again! Enjoy the angsty ride my lovelies! <3

Today was just not my day.

As it usually isn’t. The week was barely starting and I already felt as though the weekend needed to arrive quicker. Although...To be fair, everything has been a mess ever since he walked out of my life...

To start off, I missed my alarm this morning. What a great way to start the day...

I quickly rushed to get ready and ran straight to work, feeling frantic and anxious for being late. Only to see that work had begun to pile up on my desk. Just by looking at the huge pile of papers, I already felt drained.

“Looks like I might be working late tonight…” I muttered to myself and held back a resigned sigh and frowned.

“Cassie! How come you were late? Everything okay?” A voice, filled with concern suddenly spoke out, making me snap out of my thoughts to find where the voice came from, only to look at one of my co-workers, Lillian, who just so happened to also be a close friend of mine.

Me and Lillian were friends in high school, we had connected and bonded pretty well, she was like a sister to me. However after we graduated, we sadly lost contact.

I didn’t think I’d get to see her again, however when I started working for this production company just a few months back, I found out that she worked here too. We instantly connected again. It felt as though we never lost contact.

I gave her a small exasperated smile as I shook my head dismissively, sitting down at my desk which was across from hers.

“Ah.. everything is fine, I just slept through my alarm this morning. That’s all, no need to worry about me.”

“No need? You know, I always worry about you silly.” She frowned, she held two steaming cups of coffee in her hands, setting one down on my desk for me.

I let out a breath of relief giving her a small nod, as thanks for the coffee. I didn’t have time to stop for breakfast or get some coffee. I let out a small laugh. “You sound just like my mother. I’m okay, there isn’t anything to worry about.” I gazed at her, taking a sip of the coffee she gave me.

She rolled her eyes, a small smile replaced her frown, “I might as well be your mother, because you gave me a scare!”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m sorry.” I gave her a sweet smile and pleading eyes. “Forgive me?”

“...Fineeee, you’re forgiven. Just don’t do it again!” She huffed, lightly ruffling my hair. I nodded with a grin, “You got it. It won’t happen again. Come on, let's start work before the boss scolds us for slacking. Wouldn’t want to set her off now would we?”

I giggled out as I mustered up my courage and got to work immediately, Lillian did the same, her face now filled with less concern and more happiness.

This is where my day suddenly takes a turn for the worse…

I tried my hardest to get through the heavy workload throughout the seemingly long day, however my mind kept slipping up and I gradually kept making mistakes over and over again. Now the day was almost over and yet I still had piles of paperwork to sort through.

I let out a huff as I stared down at my work, feeling frustrated.

Lillian looked up from her seat, seeing my frustrated gaze. She spoke out to me in a gentle tone. “Cass? You okay?”

I looked up at her, after a moment, running my fingers through my hair as I nodded slowly after a moment of silence. “Y-Yeah.. I’m just.. frustrated that I’m noticing more errors… I don’t understand why I’m like this today… I’m not usually like this…” I let out a heavy sigh as I rested my head on the desk, shutting my eyes.

What could it be…? Why am I feeling so weird today...?

“Is something on your mind, maybe?” She stood up from her desk, walking over to mine, leaning against it as she gently stroked my hair, knowing that it was something to help soothe me whenever I felt down and anxious.

“I… I honestly don’t know….” I muttered quietly, I then looked up, resting my chin on the desk, my eyes trailed across the clutter of stuff around me, frowning as I tried to figure out what was truly bugging me. My eyes then land on the calendar.

I eyed the month. June…

“Lillian…” I suddenly croaked out, my voice coming out as a mere whisper. “What is today’s date?”

“June 1st … Why do you ask?” She spoke clearly, confusion evident in her voice.

Crap… How could I forget about this day….

A sudden wave of sadness hit me, and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, I blinked them back as I looked away, sniffling.

Lillian immediately noticed something was wrong and grew concerned once again. “Cassandra… What's wrong?”

I took a moment, shutting my eyes tightly, wiping at the oncoming tears. It’s only been 4 months but it still hurts… I let out a shaky breath, clearing my throat as I gazed at her. “Today is… mine and my ex’s three year anniversary today. We broke up four months ago… It still hurts… I-I’m sorry…”

My voice became hoarse as I tried holding back sobs. Lillian frowned as she then pulled me into a warm embrace, she rubbed my back, she then spoke out. “I am so sorry to hear that… I never knew you were even in a relationship before… why didn’t you tell me about that?”

I sniffled, hugging her back after a moment I spoke out again. “The pain was still too fresh… It was hard to talk about him with anyone.” I let out a small sob before continuing.

“W-When… When I came back home, it was just days after the break up. I moved back into my parent’s house and into my old room… and it was harder because I brought my ex back to my home nearly every holiday and special occasion… We made memories there with my family… It hurt so much…”

My voice became a whisper, she listened silently as I rambled on. “And what makes this worse is, I still love him. I miss him so much… But since the day we broke up, I have not spoken to or seen him in four months…”

I shut my eyes, sobbing quietly against her, hiding my face from her view. I couldn’t bear to look up and see her sad expression, it would only add more fuel to my sadness.

“H-he meant the world to me… I thought I would be with him f-forever… It h-hurts so much...” My voice trailed off, all the repressed emotions I’ve tried holding back all those months ago came rushing out in quiet sobs and rivers of tears.

Lillian continuously stroked my back, before speaking gently. “I know it hurts, it will hurt for awhile and that’s okay. You need your time to heal…” After a pause she added.

“Why don’t you head home? You look like you could use the rest and working right now isn’t what is best for you. I can cover the rest of your work and I’ll tell the boss to hold on the workload for you, okay?”

I tried to compose myself. Shaking my head, stubbornly. As much as she was right, I needed to do something today, anything to keep my mind from wandering back to him and this day. “N-no… No I can’t ask that of you…”

“But I want to. You clearly need the day off to cope. Throwing yourself into work isn’t going to help you Cassie.” She looked down at me with a serious expression.

Hah… at that moment, she reminded me of him. That was something he often told me when he felt as though I was overworking myself. At times, I did.

But only because I wanted to make him proud…

I wiped at my tears, giving her a small smile, as I gave in. “Alright…” I spoke in a soft tone, my voice barely coming out due to all the crying I just did.

She released me from her hold as I gathered up my belongings, gazing at her once again with a bittersweet smile. “Thanks Lillian, I owe you one. I’ll see you later.” After waving my goodbyes to her as I left the office with my head hung low.

Not wanting others to see my depressed state, I quietly yet quickly made my way back home, thankful that the office was just a good twenty minute walk from my home grabbing my keys from my bag. I walked in.

The house was quiet, which was a good thing. It meant my aunt wasn’t home. Although I had already known that she wouldn’t be home.

I moved in with my aunt four months ago when I returned after leaving Loveland. I was grateful that my aunt took over the house after my parent’s passing. She took care of my younger siblings when I couldn’t. I was forever grateful that she was so accepting of me coming home.

If it wasn’t for her… I wouldn’t have a place to live.

However, I knew she wouldn’t be back until tomorrow; She was out of town on business and left the house to me for a few days. I let out a breath as I dropped my belongings on the table, dragging my feet into the living room, plopping down onto the soft cushion of the couch, staring mindlessly at the ceiling. Unsure of what to do to occupy my time.

The more I stared up at the ceiling in silence, the more I got trapped in my thoughts. He began to fill my head once again. I shut my eyes, feeling the build up of my tears once again. No. Not again.

“Why can’t I stop thinking about him?!” I spoke out loud, my voice echoing throughout the large room, I was beginning to grow frustrated rather than sad at this point.

I lightly tugged on my hair, as I tried to compose my emotions which were only drastically changing with every thought and memory I made with Victor. As if that wasn’t enough, images began to flash within my mind.

His soft smile…

His loving gaze…

Hearing his gorgeous laugh and the way he’d affectionately call me a “dummy” every time I did something silly or stupid. Oh how I wish I could hear him call me a dummy one more time...

I really am just a dummy… A dummy still hopelessly in love with him

I didn’t even realize the tears that began flowing down my face once again.

Goddamn you, Victor Li. Why did you make me fall so hopelessly in love with you?!

Peeling myself off of the couch, I made my way over to the kitchen, the only way to drown my sorrows and feelings for him was with alcohol. I didn’t even care if it was too early in the week for this.

I need to get him out of my head.

I sniffled as I pulled out a wine glass and a large bottle of red wine. I then made my way back to the living room, sitting myself down once again, filling my cup to the brim of the glass before turning on the tv. I needed distractions. Maybe playing a movie will help.

After scrolling through what seemed like countless channels, I settled on a random movie. It wasn’t like I was going to pay much attention to it. I’m too busy crying my eyes out. I took large sips of wine, my eyes still blurred with tears.

No matter how much I drank, he still was on my mind. Even the alcohol didn’t seem to help me in my time of need. I downed what seemed like my fourth or fifth glass. I didn’t bother to keep track. Setting down the now empty glass on the table, I laid down, curling up on the couch, my head suddenly spinning. I let out a small groan.

Perhaps having too much wine after crying so much probably wasn’t a good idea… I rubbed at my eyes, drying up my tears. After a moment of regaining my eyesight, my eyes gazed over to my phone, laying flat on the table beside the glass.

...Should I call him…?

No… No I shouldn’t. We haven’t spoken since we split. It would just be weird to suddenly contact him out of the blue after everything that happened between us.

As much as I knew my mind was trying to be rational and reasonable about the situation. I couldn’t stop my hand from grabbing my phone, scrolling through my contacts and finding his contact. I took a shuddering breath before pressing the call button.

My heart anxiously churned within my chest, as I sat up properly, chewing on my fingernails while the phone rang… and rang.

It kept ringing. I began to think that maybe he would not answer. He probably blocked my number or something… Yet, on the last ring, he picked up.

There was a moment of silence before a quiet voice could be heard on the other end.

“Hello…?”

My heart skipped a beat, I swallowed as I tried to muster up the words to speak. What am I doing?! Why did I think this was a good idea!? Gosh, I really am an idiot…

I scolded myself mentally, as I shakily spoke out. “H-hey… Hey Victor.” I took a pause, before adding. “I-It’s been awhile…”

“It has… Why did you suddenly call me, Cassie…?” His voice came out soft but it also had a hint of sadness to it. Was that just my imagination..? Is he still hurting too?

“I-....” I swallowed, tears filling up my eyes. “I just….” My voice wavered. In order to feel better, I needed to tell him.

“I Miss You. I Miss Us..."

--

Author's Note: Part 2 will be out hopefully by the end of today if not Thursday morning! It will be in Victor's POV and will include more detail about why they broke up! Thanks for Reading <3

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 2

Rating: Explicit. 18+

‼️TW: Reader is EIGHTEEN! Recreational drug use, smoking and alcohol consumption, deeply internalised self-loathing, very questionable moral standards. Daddy kink taken half-seriously. BDSM themes in later chapters - explicit content will come with it’s own TWs. FIRST PERSON POV.

Summary: You’re Peter’s classmate, a child of rich and famous but uncaring parents. Getting paired up for a lengthy project with the boy was an interesting turn of events and you don’t know whether to feel blessed or cursed when you develop, seemingly, a perfectly normal, harmless crush on Tony Stark. Fueled by feelings of inadequacy and boredom, your life spirals out of control - and you’re lucky your newfound friends are there to pick up the pieces even if you cannot find it in yourself to believe these amazing human (and not so human) beings voluntarily give you more than a fleeting glance and an offhanded thought. And they brought cake!

A/N: Bad girls are sad girls! Always wondered what goes through the mind of a spoiled, rich but intelligent and perceptive teenager? Have you found yourself craving that adrenaline rush, the danger of a forbidden fruit? Okay. That was cheesy as hell. Gross.

Let’s try again. Sarcasm? Check. Vine references? Hell yes! Crude humour? Check. Blunt honesty? Double check. We’re living in a Lana del Rey song, ladies.

The author doesn’t actually condone codependent relationships in real life. This is a filthy little fantasy. Enjoy, deviants.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @vozit​ @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings​

Beta read by the lovely and patient @miscmarvelwritings  ! She deserves all the love 💙

Peter woke me up at eight AM the next morning like the little shit that he was, demanding I make him pancakes. It wasn’t the first time I’ve had the joy to experience him in the morning and he knew exactly how to antagonise me enough to make him the special pancakes he liked so much. They had become kind of a ritual whenever he stayed over at my house, which was quite often - teachers liked me enough to pair me up with one of the most sensible kids for any projects that couldn’t be done alone by yours truly on her own.

I put on my yesterday’s dress, applied moisturizer and obediently trotted behind an excitedly mumbling Peter. The kitchen was large, beautiful and delightfully empty of any resident superheroes. I’ve indirectly crossed paths with all of the tower’s residents hanging around Tony, but I’ve yet had to speak more than polite niceties to any of them. 

Spying a bowl of boiled eggs and some sort of weird salad alongside half burned toast on the counter, I suddenly understood why Peter demanded his pancakes. I strictly instructed the disaster child to stay away from my cooking process and set to work with one ear listening to his ramblings and a headphone in the other. 

A set of thumping footsteps appeared behind me as I was pouring the batter for the first pancake. Their owner loudly sat down next to Peter, sighing, groaning, generally making “I’m not a morning person” sounds.

“Good morning, Mr. Barnes,” Peter’s tone was way, way too chipper.

“‘mrng,” The Sergeant grumbled. “Who’s this and why is she making pancakes?”

I turned around, spatula at the ready. “It’s me,” We’ve actually met before, but Barnes had left before I could even come over from my side of the work bench to say hello.

He nodded in acknowledgement after giving me a suspicious once-over. “One of Stark’s science children. I’m James but you can call me Bucky,” His voice sounded rough and gravely, and he clutched a coffee cup half the size of my head.

I snorted. “Science child, sure,” It wasn’t half-bad actually. I wisely choose to ignore the part of being Tony’s. No matter how hot the man was, I wasn’t anybody’s but my own, thank you very much. “Go get the bananas, Nutella and maple syrup, fellow science child.”

Peter scrambled to follow instructions as I plated the pancakes and cut the bananas into neat little rings to fill the sweet circles with. A tablespoon of Nutella, half a sliced banana, wrap, garnish with powdered sugar and pour maple syrup generously on top. I really didn’t see how this could be difficult but any and all attempts to teach Peter how to recreate my masterpiece always ended up in an absolute mess. I turned around to ask Bucky if he wanted any. The look of a man starved answered all my questions.

“You’re a goddess,” Peter moaned around his mouthful, nose smudged white with the powdered sugar.

“Gross, chew first then talk, you neanderthal,” I scoffed, prepping more batter for the second batch of pancakes. I wasn’t sure if everybody would show up but figured it would be rude to exclude them from the sheer magnificence that were my pancakes. I was just that good.

The music in my ear drowned most of Peter’s disgusting chewing noises, thankfully. My second batch vanished into thin air, inhaled by the two males like the garbage disposals that they were. Peter, in particular, ate an alarming quantity of food and I was surprised how he managed to stay so skinny. His daily eating schedule resembled the Hobbits.

More people appeared, this time acting less surprised regarding me standing at the stove. Hawkeye, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch and her brother, all of them wandered in wearing sleep attire with various amusing prints. Thankfully, they mostly kept quiet or chatted with Peter - I would have definitely grumbled if someone tried to talk to me. As far as my body was concerned it was still the middle of the night.

“PANCAKES,” A booming voice announced and I shuddered at the sheer intensity and devotion contained in that one word. Thor.

“Please use your indoor voice,” I snapped reflectively. My brain caught up with what I just did so I hastily backtracked. “Sorry, I’m a bitch in the mornings.”

The blonde man chuckled, coming over to poke his nose into my flurry of pour-flip-fill sequence. Then, with all the grace and manners of a prince, he dipped one (1) large finger into the jar of Nutella and wandered off with it stuck in his mouth. With this turn of events the Nutella was bound to run out sooner than expected.

I turned around, annoyed confusion in plain sight. “The fuck?.. That’s gross, don’t do that,” Finding his brother (adopted!) sitting next to Thor, wearing a haughty smirk, finger still in his mouth. So Loki turned into his brother to steal Nutella from a jar. I sighed. Nobody even batted an eye. “Your alien germs are in there now, double ew.”

“Alien germs? Where?” Bruce entered the kitchen with a tablet under his arm, wearing Hulk themed pajamas, Captain America in tow. I was honestly on the verge of breaking down into hysterical laughter. Domestic Avengers wasn’t something I’d expected to see or experience, ever, much less be a part of. It took a moment for me to remind myself that they were people, too, and each of them was entitled to their own quirks. 

“America, egg-splain,” Peter muttered under his breath, giggling. “Loki stuck his hand in the Nutella jar,” He pointed at said jar. “She got grumpy,” Peter pointed at me. “Don’t make her grumpy, please, I want more pancakes,” And turned his pleading puppy eyes in my direction again.

“This is indentured servitude,” I pointed my spatula at the little shit. “You just had, like, ten.” But I made more batter nonetheless. I must admit it was kind of cool, seeing the earth’s mightiest defenders so relaxed. And Pete being happy, that was just… The best. I don’t know how to explain it. His eternal cheerfulness was highly contagious.

Chuckles filled up the room, the adults chatting and bickering amongst themselves while they patiently waited for their own breakfast. 

“Do you need some help?” Bruce approached me after stopping to fetch himself a cup of tea. It smelled strongly of tangy herbs and honey.

“I need more Nutella and bananas,” I admitted, surveying the sheer amount of people I had to feed. I didn’t doubt the Captain and two Asgardians had an appetite to match Peter’s which meant a literal extra set of condiments was required. Thankfully, Bruce fetched them for me, coming to a stop next to me. “Anything else?”

“You know, I tried making these with Peter and he just ended up with powdered sugar and chocolate all over himself,” I mused, noting the way Banner was carefully observing the assembly of a pancake. “You think Doctor seven-phds can manage to add a few toppings to a pancake without causing a disaster?“ 

Bruce rolled his eyes fondly, bumping me with his hip. "I’m no Clint Barton when it comes to cooking but at least I don’t burn my toast like Steve,” True to his word, his hands made swift motions of filling, wrapping and plating each individual pancake. They were almost as good as mine albeit more messy. I had lots of practice though. We finished off a batch in companionable silence, sounds of the team and my music playing in the background. 

I didn’t notice when I started swaying to the rhythm, catching a confused look from Bruce. I brushed back my hair, revealing a wireless headphone in my ear and he chuckled in understanding. “What are you listening to?”

“Right now? Kings of Leon,” I said, leaning towards him so he could hear the chorus “Use Somebody” currently occupying my right ear. 

“I like them, too,” He said, his cheek gently touching mine. His hands slowed on the pancake, a soft hum vaguely reminding me of the song’s melody emanating from his throat. “What else do you usually listen to?”

“Mostly heavier stuff, but I have a whole separate playlist dedicated to mid-2000s bops,” I answered. “I’ve heard I’m quite old school when it comes to music.”

“Well, I am an old man, so…” Bruce grinned mischievously. “But my guilty pleasure is Lady Gaga,” He admitted with a laugh.

I laughed, too. The image of his dancing in his lab to Born This Way was too much for my brain and I hung my head, fighting giggles. Bruce bumped me with his hip again, faking a pout. “Okay, okay, that was a fucking hilarious image, you go dude,” I finally powered through my struggle to contain laughter. “My own guilty pleasure would be… Umm… Lana Del Rey, I guess.”

Bruce made a vague noise of confusion. I took a brief break from mixing the batter to dig out my second headphone, presenting it to him and switching to a song. “This is what makes us girls”. Despite the fact I have never stolen a car or had a close female friend, the nostalgia was real. “Carmen” followed after the first song and I silently thanked whatever deity that “You can be the boss” was taken out of Spotify - I don’t think I was prepared to share that kind of information with a lab partner. An older, handsome lab partner. Wait… Where did that come from?

“I like it,” He said after the song ended and my more usual stuff began playing. “It suits you, I think.”

I groaned. “Really? I think it’s edgy,” Hiding away the embarrassment, I passed him a tray of freshly baked pancakes, occupying his immediate attention.

“You’re an old soul,” He gave me a lopsided smile. I saw a very faint blush tinting his cheeks, the kind of blush that had me wondering about the meaning behind his words. 

I gave an attempt at a smile in response, the left corner of my mouth barely tilting up. We talked some more about the rock music we shared in our earphones. I had a lot of 80s hair metal and 90s grunge in my playlist. Bruce was not a Curt Cobain man but enjoyed the works of his legacy, Marcy Playground. 

A tan hand wormed its way between me and Bruce, snatching a handful of banana slices and disappeared just as swiftly. “Tonyyy,” Bruce groaned, picking up another banana to replace the stolen pieces.

The spatula in my hand became a weapon as I blindly aimed at the target behind my back. A loud “ow” indicated I hit it. When I turned around, Tony was clutching the side of his face, a hurt look in his eyes and cheeks stuffed full of stolen goods. I stared him square in the face, absolutely refusing to acknowledge the fact that he was shirtless - the arc reactor glowed brightly in the middle of his toned chest. Fuck.

His chest was honestly what I was aiming for. I constantly kept forgetting how short he actually was. There was this one time when Tony had to put his arms around me to steady a piece of tech - he felt huge, hard and enormous around me. 

“What’s that for, Princess?” He finally chewed through his food and found his voice.

“For being a Tony,” I retorted. “Stay away from my workspace and wait for your breakfast like everybody else.”

“Hey! This is my kitchen,” He whined immediately, like the adult man that he was. I nearly cried from how adorable his face became, eyebrows scrunched up. “I don’t want to wait! And why does he,” Tony’s finger accusingly pointed at Bruce, “Get the bananas?!”

“Because he’s Brucie-bear,” I stuck my nose up in the air when Bruce’s arm wrapped around my waist. “He’s my science father,” I stuck my tongue out at Tony, seeing Bruce’s triumphant smile. Banner used every opportunity to get back at Tony’s incessant sass. 

The gleaming in Tony’s eyes should have alarmed me. “But he’s not your science daddy,” Tony’s flirting was accompanied by a salacious eyebrow wiggle and Peter’s screech of “OH MY GOD!" 

It took me every ounce of willpower to not flush. It was one of those rare times that I was at a complete loss of words. Thinking on the spot, I gave a very meaningful look to Bruce - thankfully, he got the gist and returned an equally filthy smirk back. Tony gaped.

"Is this how they are in the lab?” The Captain’s quiet voice leaked horrified amusement.

“All.The.Time.” Peter’s resonating groan was followed by Romanoff’s laughter.

We went up to the lab after breakfast. Thankfully Tony stopped his dramatic bitching when I served him my pancakes, scarfing them down much like everybody else. So me and Pete were accompanied by one (1) happy engineer, all three of us tinkering away on a robot that we were supposed to present in our science class in a month. The focus that was required to solder was immense and our usual banter was missing, replaced by an occasional request for a specific tool or a water bottle.

It took a few hours to get the dirty job done even with Tony’s help (technically he wasn’t supposed to but neither me nor Pete had the heart to forbid him from it when the man looked so content and happy soldering away). By the time I uncurled from my spot on the bench, my back was in knots and my dress had oil stains and holes all over it. I immediately went to the nearest water bottle, finishing half of it in seconds, picking up my phone to see if I had any important messages from my mother.

None.

Just a message from Bruce.

I tapped on my phone, idly scrolling through the Instagram app, liking some pictures of people I barely knew and keeping up a general appearance of being very busy. When the ringtone started playing, it took me a whole five seconds to understand it was, in fact, coming from my phone - I certainly wouldn’t put something so… Outrageous as my main tone.

Banner had discovered the power of the internet. You Can Be The Boss played loudly, and it played from my phone and Bruce was calling me. I picked it up, turning around, fighting the incoming laughter. “Yes, Brucie?" 

To say that Tony’s and Peter’s faces were scandalised was nothing. The boy’s face was such a deep shade of red, I started worrying about his blood pressure and Tony’s mouth hung open limply, like he was witnessing the second coming of Christ. 

"Is Tony sufficiently traumatized?” Judging by the breathless tone of his voice, Banner was resisting a mighty laughing fit of his own.

“Oh, absolutely,” I happily chirped.

“Good, keep it up. Come to my lab before you leave,” Banner snorted and then, realising what he’d done, promptly hung up, the tell-tale beginning of a giggle fit abruptly interrupted by a dial tone.

I put the phone in my bag, gathering the rest of my things with a look somewhere between innocence and indifference. At least, I hoped it was - my mind kept jumping between the engineer’s ridiculously scandalised face and the way his mouth went slack, lips moist and soft and plush. That’s a very dangerous trail.

A very dangerous trail I couldn’t resist exploring in the solitude and privacy of my own bedroom, at home.

[blue-bird-kny]

How bout a fluff headcannons sanemi, rengoku, genya, and an uzui with an s/o that's come home from a mission so tired that she doesn't want anything else but to lie down with them and sleep.

Uzui and more Genya all in one request?! Amazing! Thank you for your request, I hope you like it. Enjoy!~Amanda

Warning:Language

(1.7k words)

Sanemi:

Four long, strenuous days you were stuck in the Village in the Northeast. It was the usual situation: a demon was causing havoc for the people that lived in the village and, naturally, you were dispatched to go take care of the situation. However, this stupid demon had you running circles, playing some sick verison of hide-and-seek. You caught him of course, but not before he’d taken the life of at least ten helpless villagers.

As you returned home, your feet felt as heavy as your heart, mourning over the lives you didn't know but couldn't save. “I need a warm bath, a long nap, and lots of food” your wishful thoughts were the only thing keeping your dreary eyes open and sore feet moving.

You reached to open the door of your home, pausing to listen to the commotion that was coming from the other side. A smile came to your face, there was only one person who’d be getting into such trouble on the other side of the door, “and Nemi, I really need him to”.

“I’m back” you called, the loud clattering of pots and pans could be heard from the kitchen. You hurried over only to run straight into the barricade that was your boyfriend's exposed chest. “What’s going on?” you questioned as you tried to peer over his shoulder. “Nothing!” you yelped in surprise as Sanemi diverted your gaze into his neck in some sort of tight hug. You melted, forgetting your original goal immediately.

“Long mission?” Sanemi noticed your weary eyes and slouched posture, how you relied so heavily on his body to keep you standing upright. You could only hum in response, eyes already straining to stay open, maybe all you needed was Sanemi’s comforting warmth. He took that at his que to carry you to bed, you obviously needed the rest. He fondly watched as your body flopped onto the cool sheets, curling into a ball. He turned to leave before a small voice spoke

“If you don’t come cuddle me I’ll kick your ass”.

Sanemi’s smile grew “I’d like to see you try” he crawled under the sheets nevertheless, his arm involuntarily wrapped around your waist. Just as your eyes began to flutter shut, you remember something from earlier. “Nemi what were you doing in the kitchen?”

Pink dusted Sanemi’s cheeks as he looked away bashfully, “Definitely not trying to make dinner for your dumbass”.

Rengoku

It had only been 24 hours since you’d been dispatched to a rather large village just a few hours from the Demon Slayer headquarters, however you were utterly exhausted. For weeks, you’d been swamped with missions near and far with little time to rest in between, “Don’t these damn demons take a vacation? I sure need one”

Your sore limbs continue to run on autopilot as you are lost in your own little world; a world filled with warm sandy beaches or maybe a nice hot spring up in the mountains with an elderly woman (because they are the best) fixing delicious meals, your mouth waters at just the thought.

“Y/N!” a cheerful voice shouted, the sound resonating throughout the forest, bouncing off the trunks of the trees. There, standing in his full fluorescent haired glory, was your amazing boyfriend. You beamed, breaking out into a full sprint with a new found purpose: to be smothered by his two muscular arms. Your bodies clashed in a tight hug “Rengoku!” you cheered as he gracefully spun the two of you in a circle. You smiled gratefully into the crook of his neck as he gently set your feet on the ground.

You missed this, you missed him; the influx of demon activity had put a halt on the time you spent together. You both were barely home, sometimes going days without so much as a letter saying “hey, I’m alive”, which was incredibly nerve-wracking for the both of you in this line of work.

“What are you doing here?”

He smirked, his hands linking just below the small of your back “I was tired of waiting to see your beautiful face! Besides I have a surprise for us!” he looked as giddy as a child who’d just received candy. “What is it?” “I may have pulled a few strings and gotten the next two weeks off for the both of us” your eyes welled with tears, all your exhaustion and stress finally reaching the surface “What...how..?” you stuttered, unable to believe that finally you have time alone with the man you loved.

“The other Hashira may have helped a bit” his thick finger wiped away your joyous tears. He swept you off your feet, literally and figuratively, carrying you bridal style the rest of the way home. “I declare that our first order of business on vacation is sleeping for at least 15 hours, no less!. No training either!” you passed a teasing glace up at Rengoku, whose face slightly wavered.

“I’ll lay with you all you want my sweet, but how about a little training?” you couldn't help but chuckle, oh how you knew him so well.

Uzui

You were desperate to be home, back in the arms of your tall ass, but oh so lovable, boyfriend. To say that you missed Uzui was an understatement, you two hadn’t seen each other in almost three months. Your body itches to feel his long finger caress every inch of your skin as he so often would, admiring every blemish or scar that he finds. He made you feel so loved, so perfect.

“Not much longer till your home”

You groaned in annoyance, all you wanted was to go straight home but no, they demanded you give a full report of your mission the second you get back to HQ. You begrudgingly gave your report, your words left your lips only to be inked onto a scroll of parchment for later review.  You grumpily turned to leave when a boisterous voice called in disbelief from across the yard, “Y/N?!”.

You met in a passionate embrace, Uzui effortlessly lifted your body off the ground for your legs to wrap around his waist. Before you could even utter a word, Uzui was already peppering your face with rushed kisses. “Uzui we’re in public” you warned, this only caused him to smile wider. He caught your chin between his smooth finger, eyes demanding you every ounce of attention, “I’m sorry but my gorgeous girlfriend just got back after years of our separation, excuse me for being a little handsy” you snickered at his exaggeration.

“I missed you, you know” his eyes grew softer as they gazed into yours, his pointer finger tracing your features. “You wouldn’t believe how much I wanted to see you and half the crap I had to deal with. Some of those demons were almost challenging” you complained with a pout. “Don’t look so sad my love! Tonight, you and I are going to have a magnificent feast, filled with all your favorites!” he briskly walked  toward his Estate, your slumped body bouncing with every step looking like a child who missed their nap.

“You must tell me all the fabulous details from your flamboyant adventures!” his excitement was obvious to anyone, he was overjoyed to have you home and safe with him at long last. “First you and I are going to take a flamboyant nap!” your enthusiasm almost matched his, although it was almost impossible. He chuckled low and deep, the husky sound emitting from his throat quietly. He didn’t care if you wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon nestled in bed, so long as he was there with you everything was alright in his book. “Fine, first we nap, then you get full on delicious foods”

Genya  

You searched everywhere for that half-shaved head, slight agitated that he was so difficult to find when you needed his presence the most. You were attempting to surprise him because you weren't supposed to be home for a few more nights, but you quickly and swiftly took care of those demons; you knew Genya became distressed when you went on an individual mission and usually made life hell for anyone he ran into because of it.

You round the corner at full speed, running straight into the hard wall that was someone's chest. “Watch where you’re going you ass...Y/n?” his tone shifted instantly after he realized it was you and not some other idiot. “Surprise?” you looked up into his disbelieving orbs as they stared into yours, unwilling to look away. “Come on aren’t you happy to see me? I was gone for soooo long” you exaggerated,

Almost as if his limbs were being held back by invisible wires, Genya stiffly placed his hand on your head in an attempt of a pat. He looked away, too embarrassed to see your reaction as warmth coated both your cheeks, “Nice job not fucking it up” he almost cringed at his own choice of words but you knew better, what he was really trying to say was “I’m glad you made it back safely”

Your grin reached from ear to ear, both your hands coming to cup his on your head “Aww you're such a softy Genya! I missed you too” you cooed causing his blush to increase by ten fold. “H-hey what the hell are you..” he froze as if the world itself had stopped. Ever so gently, you brought his hand down to your lips, placing a small kiss on his open palm, “I’m really glad  all that fighting was worth it so I could come back to you” you muttered against the palm, your lips lightly brushing against his skin with each syllable you spoke.

“Come on” you tugged his unresponsive body behind yours, “Let's go cuddle in bed, my feet are sore and I really need some rest” you called. The poor boy gulped as registered what you’d said;, not only had you kissed and held his hand, but now you wanted to be in the same bed as Genya, he could only take so much in such a short time. You knew it didn’t really bother him though, he craved your affection just as much as you wanted his. Besides, Genya would do anything to make you happy and comfortable, especially after a mission, even if it meant cuddles.

Main Masterlist

Thank you for your time and patience, ik I haven't been producing a lot of pieces but I hope you enjoy these nonetheless. Just a head’s up, very soon I will be doing another Writing Night to keep ya eyes open!~Amanda

[beclynn-herondale]

In Another Universe: Chapter 9 - The Greenhouse part 2

(characters, tsc, and tmi belong to Cassandra Clare, it's also similar to the original)

After Hodge had fixed Jayce and Simone up, Jayce went off to shower and mysteriously disappeared. Isidore was sitting in his bedroom throwing knives at a target he had in there, when someone knocked on his door. He got up with a sigh, walked over and opened, there was his big sister, looking angry and upset, she tried her best to hide her emotions but so often they were written plain on her face.

"Can I come in?" she asked. He gestured her inside, it was often she did this, usually when Jayce made her upset, unfortunately Jayce made her upset quite often these days. "What's up?" he asked. "Jayce is nowhere to be found, I think she's avoiding us." "Of course she's avoiding us, we both have been picking arguments with her and you know when she gets into these moods, she doesn't like to argue with anyone, well not really."

"I did something stupid, and if she finds out she'll hate me." "Oh?" "I— I slammed Clar against a wall and may have threatened him." Isidore let out a whistle. "Why?" "He knows about me." "I know." "Wait, you knew that he knew?"

"Yeah, he figured it out but I made him promise not to tell anyone." "Well he did, he told me. I want him to leave, to go away and never come back." "Me too, but we're stuck with him for now," he said. "So do what I do my dear sister and throw knives at your walls while pretending it has the face of your arch enemy." "Why are you like this?" He shrugged

They sat in silence for some time. "Hey, Alec?" "Yeah?" "What do you think will happen with Clar when mom and dad get back?". "I don't know," said Alec. "I suppose if he asks for a place to stay, they would have to let him, since he's a Shadowhunter and it would be technically against the law to turn him away."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. So I guess we're stuck with him." "Yeah," she said bitterly. "Maybe he'll grow on us." "Maybe not." "Well, for now we gotta put up with him," he said. "I am tired, so unless you plan to sleep on my floor, cause I do not intend to share my bed, you should go to your own bed and try to sleep a little." "Yeah," she said half heartedly. "Give Jayce time, let her cool off from everything that happened." "You're probably right." "Of course I am," he said, and winked at her.

——————

Jayce opened the door, she took in the familiar smell of the plants, the smell of earth and the sweet smell of the flowers. She looked behind her and saw a look of awe on Clar's face. "Wow," he said, very slowly. "It's so... So beautiful at night." She grinned at him. "And we have it to ourselves. Alec and Iz don't dare coming here, they have allergies."

"What kind of flowers are these?" asked Clar, pointing at one of the shrubs. She shrugged and sat down. "I don't know. Do you think I pay attention in botany class? I am not going to be an archivist. I do not need to learn these things." she may have been slightly lying about not paying attention in botany class. "You just need to have all the knowledge of killing things?" She smiled at him again. "Exactly right," she said as she pulled a napkin wrapped sandwich out if the paper bag. "I also happen to make a badass cheese sandwich. Here ya go." She handed it to him. He smiled at her and sat down across from her.

Jayce pulled some apples, a chocolate bar that had nuts and fruit in it, and a bottle of water out of the bag as well. "Not bad," said Clar admiringly. She pulled her bone-handled knife out of her pocket, Alec had given it to her forever ago. She picked up one of the apples and started carving them into eighths. "It may not be birthday cake," she said, handing him slice. "But hopefully it is at least better than nothing at all.". "I was expecting nothing, so thank you." he said and took bite of the apple piece.

"Everyone should get something on their birthday," she said as she started peeling another apple. "Birthdays are special. My birthday was the one day of the year my father said I could do or have anything I wanted to." "Anything?" he asked with a laugh, his laugh was different from other's laughs. "What kind of anything are we talking here?"

"Well, when I was five, I asked if I could take a spaghetti bath.". "He said no, right?" "No, that's the thing. He let me, he said it wasn't expensive, if that was what I wanted? He had servants fill a bath with boiling water and spaghetti noodles, and after it cooled down enough. . ." she gave a shrug. "I took a bath in it."

"And how was that?'. "Very slippery.". "I am sure." He looked to be in thought for a moment. "Did you ask for anything else?". "Weapons, pretty much," she answered. "Which probably isn't a surprise. Books. I read many books on my own.'. "You didn't go to school?" They were heading to a topic she did not want to venture down. "No," she said slowly.

"But what about friends—" "I didn't have any," she said. "It didn't matter, it had always just been me and my father. He was all I ever needed.". "None at all?" She met his eyes with a steady look. "When I first met Alec," she said. "I was ten years old, that was the first time I'd ever met another person my age. She was the first friend I ever had."

He looked down now. He looked sad and sorry for her. "Don't feel sorry for me," she said. "He gave me the best training, the best education. He took me to see all kinds of places. London. Saints Petersburg. Egypt. We traveled a lot. I've barely left New York at all since he died.". "You're so lucky," Clar said. "I've never left New York. My mom wouldn't even let me go on field trips. I suppose I know why now, though.". "She was probably afraid you'd freak? And start seeing demons in museums?.". "Are there demons in museums?". "I was just kidding," she said and gave him a shurg. "If there were, I am sure someone would have mentioned it."

"I think she just didn't want me to be too far away from her. She changed after my dad died." Jayce raised her eyebrow at him. "Do you remember your father, at all?". "No. He died before I was born.". "You're lucky," she said, she could hear the loneliness in her own voice. "You don't have to miss him, I mean.". "Does it ever go away?" he asked. "Missing your father, I mean?" She didn't answer him, but no it didn't. "You thinking about your mother?". "No. I was thinking about Luke.". "That's not actually his name though," she said and took a bite of apple. "I have actually thought about him. His behavior just doesn't add—". "He's acting like a coward," said Clar bitterly. "You were there, you heard what he said. He won't go against Valentine. Not even if it's for my mother."

"I don't think that's exactly—" The bells started ringing. "Midnight," said Jayce, she set her knife down and got to her feet, she held her hand out to help him up. "Watch." She could feel Clar beside her, but she didn't look at him. She stared at the medianox flowers. She didn't know why she didn't look at him. She recalled the first she had ever saw the flowers bloom. Hodge had woken her, Alec and Iz up at midnight to watch them bloom. She was in the middle between Alec and Iz. The flowers usually only grew in Idris.

She remembered catching her breath at the surprise and beauty of the flower. Alec and Isidore had not had the same reaction, Alec had never been a night person and had fallen asleep against Isidore's shoulder. and Isidore lost interest after he found out it had no lethal uses. She worried perhaps, Clar would be the same: find them interesting, perhaps pleased. But not be enchanted by them.

She wanted him to feel the way she had about the flowers. But she couldn't say why exactly. Then she heard him say a soft "Oh!" As the flower bloomed, opening up, and shimmering with it's golden pollen. "Do the flowers bloom every night?" "Yes, but only at midnight."

She felt relief wash over her. And looked at him, his eyes shining, his fingers flexing unconsciously, they did this she had started to notice when he wished he had his sketchpad, when he wanted to capture an image. She wished she could see the world as he did: see the world as a canvas to be painted. And at the moments when he looks at her that way, as of he were taking her apart, piece by piece to be separated and painted. Almost an emotionless analysis of her — she caught herself on the verge of blushing. Such a strange feeling, so strange she almost didn't know it. Because, Jayce Wayland did not blush.

"Happy birthday, Clarus Fray," she said. He smiled at her. "I got something for you," she said and fumbled slightly reaching for her pocket, he didn't seem to notice though. She pressed the witchlight into his hand, and she was conscious of his hands, Artist hands, delicate but strong, he had calluses from holding paint brushes for hours, he had slight paint stains on his hands. And she wondered did his pulse speed up as well when they touched.

She supposed not, because he drew away quickly, looking at the runestone curiously. "You know when someone says they want a big rock they don't mean literally a big rock." That surprised a smile out of her. Which was odd in of itself, usually only Alec or Iz could surprise amusement out of her. She knew Clar had been brave since she first met him, going after Isidore into a closet unharmed like that took guts. But that he made her laugh was still a surprise.

"Very funny, my sarcastic friend. It's not a rock, exactly. Every Shadowhunter has a witchlight stone.". "Oh." He looked at it with a new curiousity in his eyes. He closed his hands around. "It will bring you light always, even among the darkest of worlds." That was what her father had told her when he had given her first witchlight runestone to her. What other worlds? She had asked, Her father only laughed though. There are more worlds a breath away this one than there were grains of sand on a beach, he had told her. She sometimes wondered about those other Jayces in those worlds, were they happy? Were they sad? Were they dead or alive? Was she by chance so different in one that she could be a boy? Would his name be Jace? And did they wonder about her? Were their parents alive?

Clar smiled again and made a joke about birthday presents. "thank you, it was nice for you to give me anything," he said. "Much better than a spaghetti bath.". "If you share that personal information with anyone, i may have to kill you." she said darkly. "Ok, well, when I was five, I wanted to go inside the clothes dryer and spin round and round," he said. "The only difference is, she said no.'. No"Probably because getting inside a dryer to spin around is very fatal," she pointed out. "But pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isidore were to make it."

She saw the petals were shedding now. "Then when I was twelve, I wanted to get a tattoo" he said. A strand of hair fell into his eye and like the afternoon he had fallen asleep she wanted to push it away but fought the urge. "Well, usually most Shadowhunters get their first marks at twelve. Maybe it was just in your nature.". "Maybe. But I don't think many Shadowhunters want to get a tattoo of Dontello from teenage mutant ninja turtles on their left shoulder." He had that fond look on his face that he had when talking about something she couldn't quite understand but interested her. It sent a spark through her veins. A kind of fear, but what fear? That he would one day go back to the mundane world and leave her behind in her world of hunters and demons, battles and scars, and do it gratefully?

"You wanted to get a turtle on your shoulder?" He gave her a nod. "I wanted to cover this scar on my shoulder that I got from chicken pox." He pulled his shirt up to show her, there was a scar, it reminded her of something but she wasn't sure what. But she saw more than the scar, she saw the freckles that he had on his back, his shoulder blades. She took the moment to see his eyelashes that were a coppery color, his red curls like fire, the curve of his lips. Some kind of desire swept over her, one she had never felt before, she had desired people in a certain way before, but never in this way. Not in a way that cut through her like fire, and left an almost nervous tremble in her hands.

She looked away and shook her head slightly. "We should probably go back down stairs." He gave her a curious look, his green eyes on her like he could see through her. "Have you and Isidore ever dated?" Her heart still beating too fast. "Isidore?" she echoed. She thought, what does Isidore have to do with this? Why mention him? "Simone was curious," he said, and she disliked the way her name sounded as he spoke it. She had never felt this way before: never anything that could unnerve her like Clar did. She remembered that day back at the coffee shop when she wanted to lead him away into her world, away from the dark haired friend of his, lead him away into her world of shadows. She had a feeling even then he belonged where she did, not with mundanes who did not know the full truth of the world.

This boy right her and his green eyes that pinned her to the wall like a butterfly, was real, so very real. He pierced the distance she had put up so carefully to keep others away. "No, the answer is no. Maybe a time the thought crossed our minds but we're like siblings so it would be weird." "So you and him have never—" "Never," she said. "He hates me, you know." "No, he doesn't," she said, wanting to laugh like a sibling would, knowing their other sibling so well that you knew when they were frustrated. "You just make him nervous, he's always been the only boy in the crowd of our group, getting the attention and now he isn't." It was true, Isidore being the only son the Lightwoods had, was always adored and he got used to it.

"But why? He's so beautiful, and talented, what would I make him nervous about?" "You are too," she said automatically, it surprised herself. His face changed, but she couldn't read it. She had told people they were beautiful before but it was always calculated. This was not, this time she wanted to go to the training room and throw knife after knife at targets, wanted to kick and punch until she was exhausted and bloody. This boy making her this way.

He looked at her not saying anything. Ah, the training room it is. "We should go down stairs," she said again. "Okay." She couldn't read his voice either, she was usually good at reading people but her ability to do so has apparently deserted her and she doesn't know why.

They started to make their way out when she saw something flash a light and Clar backed up bumping into her slightly, he turned around to her and the next thing she knew she was throwing her arms around him to pull him down and kiss him, she was kissing him. She was shocked by herself, she didn't work this way, she always had control over her body. It was an instrument, like the piano. It didn't move without her permission, never. Here she was though, running her hands through his hair and kissing him hard, she ran her hands along his arms. He wrapped his arms around around her and leaned down a little, he ran a hand through her hair, then ran his hand down her back, he smelled like citrus, she tasted the apple on his lips, somewhere for a moment she lost herself. Understanding now why kisses were described the way they were in the books. She was slightly unsteady and she clung to him, he held her weight. She remembered the first time she saw the midnight flower, and thought it was something beautiful that belonged in the world.

She heard a rush of wind, and drew back from Clar, to see Hugo watching them. She still had her arms around him and they were still leaning on each other. His eyes were half closed still. "Don't freak, but I think someone is watching us," she whispered to him. "If Hugo is here that means Hodge is not far behind him. We need to go" He opened his eyes all the way, and looked amused. Shouldn't he be more flustered after that kiss? But he was just grinning. He wanted to know if Hodge had been spying on them and she assured him no, but she felt his laughter through their joined hands and didn't remember how that had happened.

They made their way downstairs. And as they did, hands still interlocked, she understood why people held hands, she had always thought it was something like saying this is mine. But it wasn't like that at all. It was speaking without using words and saying I want here with me and don't go. Suddenly she wanted him in her bedroom, not in that way — nobody she had ever been with had been in her bedroom. It was her safe space, it was special to her, her sanctuary. But she wanted Clar there. She wanted him to see her for who she really was, not the image she put on for the world. She wanted to lay in bed with him and just be snuggled up together. Wanted to watch him sleep and breathe softly. She wanted to see him and have him see her. So even when they got to his bedroom door, and he thanked her for the night again, she hadn't let go of his hand.

"Are you going to bed?" she asked. He looked down at her. "Aren't you tired?" She felt different now. "I have never been more awake." She stepped up on her tiptoes, pulling him down a bit to give a light brush of lips.

Then at that moment Simone flung the door open and came out into the hallway. Clar pulled away from Jayce hastily, and turned his head to the side looking at Simone. She felt a sharp pain, like ripping a bandage off. Simone was saying a bunch of angry words. And Jayce thought back to all the times that she'd been kissing someone in a club against the wall or in a alley behind a bar. And their significant other or the person who thought there was a chance staring at them like someone had ripped their heart out. Jayce had always felt sorry for them, but in a distant way, like in the plays when they were acting out a heartbreak scene.

But now as she looked at Simone she realized she would never have to wonder what it felt like again. Because the look of regret on Clar's face as he looked to Simone, made her realize Simone wasn't the one going to get her heart broken and shattered to pieces. It was Jayce.

Oh, Jayce what have you done now, she thought.

——————

Clar stared at Simone with regret, he knew what was going to happen, something else was going to blow up, and so much had blown up today. He was going to hurt and piss off more people and he had already done that in these last 24 hours as well, he wished he could disappear.

"What the fuck!" said Simone. "Simone! I— I mean I thought that you were—" "Sleeping?" she flushed with anger. "I was asleep, but then I woke up and you weren't there."

He didn't know what to say, he should have known something along the lines of this would happen. He wondered why he hadn't asked to go to Jayce's room, and the thought of that made him blush and want to kick himself more. But the worst part is that he hadn't thought of it because he had forgotten about Simone.

"I am sorry," he said, though not sure who he was apologizing to or for what.

He looked at Jayce from the corner of his eye and thought she looked angry for a moment but he looked again and she looked as she always did: composed, confident, easy, a little bored.

"In the future, Clarus," she said. "It may be a wise decision, to mention you already have someone in your bed, we could avoid situations such as this one.". "You asked her to bed?" asked Simone looking shocked. "Simply ridiculous, right?" said Jayce. "There's no way we could all have fit.". "I didn't ask her to bed," he snapped. "It was just kissing." "Just kissing?" said Jayce mockingly. "How quickly you dismiss our love.". "Jayce. . ."

He saw the malice in her eyes as she trailed off. "I'm sorry we woke you." "Me too," she said and went back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Jayce had a bland smile on her face. "Go after her and tell her how she's your special girl. Isn't that what you always do?". "Would you stop that," he said. "Stop being like this." She widened her smile. "Like what exactly?". "If you're upset, just say it. Don't act like nothing touches you. You seem like you never feel anything at all.". "Maybe," she said. "You should have thought of that before you kissed me." He couldn't believe she just said that. "I kissed you?" She looked at him with malice. "It wasn't that great for me either, don't worry," she said.

She walked off and Clar wanted to run after her, mostly to shake her and ask why she is like this. But he knew that would fill her with satisfaction, so he didn't, instead he went back into his room.

Simone was in the middle of his room, she looked to be lost. He heard Jayce's words replay nastily in his head. He stepped forward but stopped when. He saw what she was holding. His sketchpad, she had it opened to the drawing he had done of Jayce early.

"Nice drawing," she said. "All those art classes are paying off, I see." Usually Clar would be going off on someone who was looking at his sketchpad without his permission but it wasn't the time right now. "Look, Simone—" "I know how pathetic I look going off to sulk in your room," she interrupted as she threw the sketchpad on his bed. "But i needed to get my stuff."

"Are you going?" he asked "Yes. I've overstayed here. and besides, mundanes really don't belong here, anyway." He let out a frustrated sigh. "I wasn't planning on kissing her, ok? It just happened. I know how much you don't like her.". "That's where you're wrong," she said. "I don't like flat soda. I don't like traffic. I don't like terrible boy band pop. I don't like math. I hate Jayce. There's a difference, see?". "She saved your life, you know," he said but felt terrible for it, because she did it so she wouldn't get in trouble with the clave if either of them got killed.

"Slight details," she said dismissing it. "She's an ass, like those girls in highschool we always avoided, because they thought they were so much better than everyone else. I just thought you were better than actually hooking up with one of them."

Something about that made his temper rise. "Oh, yeah. You're sure on a high horse," he snapped at her. "Talking about going to ask the guy with the best abs to the fall fling." He mocked Erica's tone. Simone's mouth thinned. "So what if she's a jerk at times? It's not like you're my mother or sister, you don't need to like her. I've never liked anyone you dated, but at least I was nice enough to keep it to myself."

"This is different," she said. "How, Simone? How is this in any way different?". "Because I see how you look at her!" she yelled. "I never looked at anyone I dated like that! It was something to do while I waited—'. "For what? Waited for what exactly?" They had never fought like this, all their fights were always about who hate the last cookie or which anime character was better. But he didn't stop, and wanted to again kick himself. "For when Isidore came along? You're lecturing me on Jayce when you have been mooning over him like a foo!' he realized he yelled it.

"I was trying to make you jealous!" she yelled back. "Sometimes you are so stupid, Clar. you can't even see what's in front of you." He just stared, what did she mean by that? "Make me jealous? But why?" He saw the look on her face and realized that was the last thing he should have asked. Bitterly she said. "Because, I've been in love you for the last ten years. I thought maybe I should see if you felt the same. But I have my answer now."

She might as well have punched him. He searched for a response but couldn't find one. "Don't even try. There are no words for you to say," she said sharply. He watched her walk away not being able to move, as if he were paralyzed. What was he supposed to say "I love you, as well"? But he didn't. right? She paused at the door for a moment to say. "You want to know what else my mom said about you?" He shook his head, but either she didn't see it or ignored it. "She said you were going to break my heart."

She left, the door shut behind her, and Clar was alone with everything that had happened in such a short amount of time.

Everyone hates him, he thought. He wanted Joan to be here so bad, at least she wouldn't hate him.

Tag list: @khaleesiofalicante @chibi-tsukiko @spotsandclawsthings @megs-readstoomuch @replayfootsteps @magnus-the-maqnificent @jazzkaurtheglorious @simply-ellas-stuff @bookfast-at-tiffanys @my-archerboy

[softykooky]

finite.

☆summary:  it is august and taehyung asks you who you would want to be if you could restart this life. you two are finite lovers in an infinite universe. 1.7k words. 

☆genre: established relationship, semi-angst, fluff, college!taehyung, college!reader

☆pairing: kim taehyung x reader

☆author’s note: something short and sweet to get me out of my funk, and i thought i would share it with you! let me know what you think, and thank you always for your kindness. 

       You met Taehyung in the spring. A connoisseur of baskin robbins ice cream flavors, and had such a zest for life you wondered if he was ever apathetic of the sun, for it never shone as bright as him. He had been fighting a dog in the park. In his defense, the stick he had found was absolutely prime for building a bridge across the creek and there was no other one like it. He found it first, and still thanks you from time to time for defending him against that greedy puppy. You had played together until the sunset and your parents called you back, exchanging names and promising to meet back there the next day. 

       He was so young, then, that it aches your heart to look back at the pictures and see a childlike face staring back at you. Free of the smile lines he’s accumulated through the years, and features softer than they are now. He’s still young now. Just a little more grown. A little more broken and a little less oblivious. But he is your Taehyung, and it’s summer now, yet the stars still shine in his eyes like the spring day you met him.

       Tomorrow, there is an airplane that leaves at dawn for London and a train that leaves at dusk for New York. They travel in opposite poles. You wonder if there will be an extra seat beside his on the plane, in case you change your mind at the last minute and decide to abandon your train ticket to follow him wherever he may lead. Taehyung would never let you, though. He says your dreams are far too important to be impeded by someone like him. The university is waiting for you, and his internship is waiting for him. 

       For tonight, though, you don’t want to think about the distance between the two of you. For tonight, you’re not leaving each other to chase uncertain dreams. Just two bright-eyed lovers sitting on the hood of a car on the outskirts of an airport terminal, watching them catapult to the sky at hundreds of miles an hour and disappear among the stars. 

       “Who do you want to be if we could restart our lives?” 

       The night sky overhead is forgiving. The clouds had drifted away to reveal to two lovers, a scape of twinkling stars and the roundest moon you had ever seen. You juggled his question around in your mind, keeping your eyes on the sky and your hands wrapped tightly around his. Who did you want to be? Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? 

       It’s a little cold. The wind blows through the creases of your arms and legs and cools the sweat. You can feel his even breathing next to you. The rhythmic up and down of his chest. How he avoids looking at you in fear that when you glance into his eyes, you will see the way his heart is breaking.

       “I think I might want to be everything.”

       He giggles at your response. 

       “You can’t be everything, Y/N. Pick one.” Taehyung pulls you closer. Skin to skin, and heart to heart.

       “Maybe reincarnate as a bird and fly and fly until my wings can’t hold up the weight of the wind?” 

       Your involuntary smile stretches the skin of your lips as you stand up from the hood, flinging your arms out as if they were wings. The breeze blows under them. Taehyung laughs at your childlike nature and you swear the sound makes the stars shine a tad bit brighter.

        “Oh! How about an astronaut on a 900 year mission and I discover a new planet outside of the Milky Way? One small step for man…” You turn around and lock eyes with Taehyung. 

       He joins your juvenile daydream. “One giant leap for mankind.” Chuckles bubble from both your chests, and he holds both your hands, twirling in circles on the lawn.

       “Or I could be a suave Hollywood actress, and break the record for most academy awards. Maybe 500 of them.” You know the two of you are being too loud and raucous. But there’s something about a cool summer night that makes a person want to abandon inhibition and just live. Taehyung erupts in innocent laughter. 

       “Y/N, you couldn’t even lie to your mom when I asked you to sneak out past curfew with me last week.” 

       You roll your eyes playfully, punching him in the shoulder which he responds far too dramatically, nursing his fatal wound as if you had just shot him. You realize you haven’t stopped smiling since the conversation started and your cheeks are starting to ache. 

       “I’ll kiss it better.”

Taehyung melts into you when you put your lips on his, feeling the curve of his pout against your own. His hands are on the small of your back and he pushes you close to him. Closer. It feels as it always does. Like honey in hot tea or the way chocolate melts into syrupy sweetness if you leave it under your tongue. Like Taehyung. There is no sound outside of the chirping of crickets and two hearts that seem to beat in tandem. The kiss is bittersweet, though. You both know once the sun rises tomorrow, you won’t be able feel this love anymore in its physical form.

       Taehyung’s smile drops once you pull away, eyes solemnly falling to the ground but hands still gripped onto your’s, as if he’s afraid you will disappear if he doesn’t hold on tightly enough. Like he wants to memorize the feeling of your small hand in his before he leaves. You don’t want to be sad tonight.

        “Hm....I think maybe the queen of England. I’d make it a requirement to always have a cupcake at your disposal, at any given moment of the day.” 

       He throws his head back to face the sky and roars in laughter, the image of you being a monarch and bossing everyone around to entertain him. You reflect his happiness. The conversation circles around like that, as the two of you think of as many lives to live and people to be if this were another dimension, and you could restart. A scientist who figures out how to harvest stars and store the light of the moon. The president of the United States. A jellyfish in the Atlantic Ocean who lazes in a coral reef. A rock at the top of Mount Everest. 

       Under the moonlight, you wonder what nation you had saved in your past life so that you could meet Kim Taehyung. So that you could grow up beside him and fall in love with him and hold him like it’s the only thing your arms were made to do. 

       Under the moonlight, Taehyung wonders if your souls had been the same one, separated by space and time and now reunited again. He stares at you as you ramble on about all the imaginary and impossible things you wanted to be in a different life, and there is lovesick in his eyes. You are oblivious, of course. So Taehyung just continues to admire you. 

       “What about you, Tae?” The nickname sounds so sweet when it slips off your tongue. 

       Your question catches him off guard and he realizes that even though he had asked you this, he had no idea of his own answer. When thinking about his life on a whim, Taehyung is surprised when his mind is only filled with you. Your toothy grin. The cascading wave of your hair. The curve of your hips that imitate Grecian marble cut statues and the freckles on your skin that stir envy in Andromeda’s constellations. He knows his answer. Yet bites his tongue.

       “I’m not sure. I think I’d want to be a merman, and figure out how you would pee with a fish tail.” 

       “Are you serious? Mermen pee how normal fish pee.” 

       “How the heck do normal fish pee?!”

       The rest of your rambling fades away from Taehyung’s mind and blends into white noise. He just leans back against the hood of the car, arms folded over his chest and utter fondness in his gaze. Your words drone and all he can hear is the sound of his own heart that knocks against the walls of his chest to remind him of something that he already knows to be true. He loves you. Irrevocably and unapologetically. 

       Taehyung pulls you by the arm and cradles you to his chest, tucking your head under his chin. He sways you both to the melody of summer cicadas and a humming wind. The sky is a cloudless romance of supposed shooting stars that may just have been a trick of the light. Or a stray airplane. But it’s enough for him to make a wish. He won’t tell you what it is, though, in case it doesn’t come true. 

      To answer your question, in another lifetime, he would want to be him again. And he’d want you to be you again. So that he could meet you again, and love you again. In this alternate dimension, he’d want to take you to an airport terminal on an August evening again, and hear you tell him all the things you want to be. But if you are either a common passerby or the queen of England, it wouldn’t matter to him. His soul would still love you all the same. 

       Taehyung leaves the next morning. When the sun has barely even risen and your lips are bruised from kissing him goodbye so many times. Your arms are sore from holding him so tightly, body subconsciously screaming at you to not let him go because this is the boy that has your heart and he's taking it with him. He wipes your tears when you cry and tucks his face into the crook of your neck to hide his own tears from the world. Taehyung’s plane takes off at 5:31am from the tarmac and as you stare at the piece of your heart that leaves you, you wonder if there are two lovers parked outside the terminal to watch him disappear into the clouds. If they are as devastatingly in love as you are.

       He had told you he wants you to move on. London was too far away from New York and you two were never good with distance. Love stretches too thin across the Atlantic ocean. But even if you died and came back to life in a different form, you doubt that it’s physically possible for you to move on from the likes of Kim Taehyung.  

       So even if the two of you were only finite hearts in an infinite universe, and only first loves in one lifetime. It’s enough for you. You rethink your answer to his question the night before. Maybe you wouldn’t want to be the queen of England or a jellyfish. You’d want Taehyung to be Taehyung. And you’d want you to be you. So that you could meet him again. And you would love him again. 

[epochofbelief]

Under the Influence: Prologue

A Throne of Glass/A Court of Thorns and Roses Youtube/College Crossover

alwayss-reading masterlist

 Hey! I said this was chapter one in my announcements but it’s actually the prologue:) Please let me know if you want to be tagged! Enjoy! 

Triggers: cheating, a break up

PROLOGUE

“Dorian? It’s late.”  

“Aelin.” Something about Dorian’s tone had me sitting up a little straighter. “Have you checked your phone in the last half hour?” 

I glanced at my watch. It was nearly midnight. Chaol had just left after watching a movie with me and I hadn’t had a chance to catch up on my social media.  

 “No, why do you ask? I’ll check now,” I said, putting Dor on speaker and sliding up to check my apps. “Did Rifthold Weekly post those pictures from my photoshoot yet?” 

“Stop!” My finger hovered above the Instagram app on the screen. “Do not check your phone. I’ll be at your place in ten minutes. Do not check your phone Aelin, or so help me I will never, ever make another late-night dessert run for you again.” 

“Can you please just tell me what’s going on? It is bad?”  

 In the pause before he answered, all my usual anxieties came flooding in, including everything I worried about daily—public scandal, being cancelled, really bad hate mail, particularly nasty anti-Aelin Ash Instagram accounts.  

 “No. Do not check your phone, Aelin. I mean it.” He hung up. 

I usually didn’t listen to him, but Dorian sounded really serious about this one. I tossed my phone onto the couch. 

Dorian was only a few years older than me. In addition to his status as my manager, he was one of my closest friends. I knew when he meant business, and the fact that he was rushing to my house at midnight on a Sunday meant something big was happening. Normally, I checked social media every hour or so to see what was going on with my followers and subscribers.  

But Dorian’s tone and rush to my place worried me. Only one thing could make him so serious: the threat of me being cancelled.  

I shook my head. No. I thought over everything that could have possibly happened that would make Dorian act like this. My legal team had a tight handle on every piece of content I ever released—podcast, Tiktok, Instagram, YouTube, even the few Snapchats I posted every once in a while. It was virtually impossible for me to say or do anything that could get me in any sort of trouble in the public eye.  

That made me feel a little better. I took a deep breath and watched my hands. Maybe if I willed it hard enough, they would stop shaking. After all, I probably had nothing to worry about. I padded into the kitchen to find something sweet to eat.   

Seven minutes later, Dorian burst into the house (he had a key) and made a beeline straight for me. I offered him the bag of chocolates I was snacking on, but he declined. I didn’t get a clear look at his face until he placed both his hands on my shoulders and stared down into my eyes. I stifled a sigh. Dorian really was quite attractive. That might have been one of the factors that contributed to me hiring him two years ago. I had been deeply upset when Dorian contacted me right at the start of my career asking to be my manager, not my boyfriend. But he was off limits for about a thousand reasons, and of course, I had Chaol.  

I shook my head and stared into Dorian’s pale, uncharacteristically solemn expression. “Have you talked to Chaol today?”  

I nodded slowly. Odd. Dorian knew my every spare moment was spent with Chaol. “He left like twenty minutes ago. We watched a movie.” 

Dorian let out a long breath and stalked out of the kitchen, now rubbing his forehead with his fingers, muttering under his breath.  

“Dorian. Would you cut the crap and spit it out? Tell me what the hell is going on!” I demanded, stomping over to prevent him from walking deeper into my home.  

“About an hour ago, some photos were leaked. Of Chaol. . . With another girl.”   

I blinked. “Okay. . . Chaol gets photographed with people all the time. So do I. Those are all rumors. Everyone knows Chaol and me are together.” 

“These photos aren’t like the others.” 

“Tell me, Dorian,” I said when my manager refused to meet my eyes. I had a feeling that nothing would be the same after what he said next. Because whatever was going on with Chaol would affect me, my following, my career in some way or another.  

“You’ve heard of Nesryn Faliq? The TikTok star?” 

“Sure.” A horrible sinking feeling settled into my stomach. Nesryn had a bit of a reputation for drama on the Internet. 

Dorian brandished his phone. “You’re going to see them sooner or later,” he said. 

 I took the phone and slowly tilted my head to see. I nearly dropped the phone when I saw the screen. My boyfriend, lips locked with Nesryn, in a dimly lit parking lot, not a centimeter of space separating the two of them. One of his hands gripped her ass, the other was tangled in her dark hair. From what I could tell, her hands were somewhere under his shirt.   

“No. No, no, no. Chaol wouldn’t do this to me,” I managed to say, shoving the phone back into Dorian’s hands and making a beeline for mine, powering it on before Dorian could stop me.  

My Instagram was blowing up (more than normal) already. My DM’s were full of the pictures of Chaol and Nesryn, from various angles, the pictures sent from fans and haters and gossip accounts alike. Neither Chaol nor Nesryn had posted any responses to the images yet; of course, it was late on a Sunday night and I doubted anything would start happening until tomorrow.  

I took a quick peek at some of the photos to read what the gossip accounts were saying about the pictures. 

“Is this the end of Chaolin?”  

“Aelin Ash’s delicious boyfriend. . . Cheating?”  

I nearly threw my phone at the television.   

“He’s. . . cheating on me?” Was all I managed to say as I slumped sideways on the couch.  

Dorian came to set next to me, pulling me to rest on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Ae.” 

I let myself lean against Dorian for a moment. It would be smart if I took a few moments to process everything, decide on a rational course of action.   

So after about two seconds, I rose from the couch.  

“That bastard is going to pay for this,” I said through gritted teeth. I was not going to be sad about this. No, it was time for Aelin Ash to get angry. “I’m gonna Tweet something. I can’t let this fester all night.” 

Dorian plucked my phone out of my grip. He’d moved from the couch to my position in front of the TV without my notice. “You are not Tweeting. We have to be absolutely positive that these pictures are what they are—” 

I fixed him with what I thought was my most withering stare. He ignored it. 

“And then we have to make sure that you come off as the bigger person in all this. Remember your promise to yourself? No internet drama?” 

I kicked the couch. “Yes,” I mumbled. Why did Dorian have to be so reasonable? “But this one’s out of my hands! Chaol started it.” I wanted to scream. I wanted to go key Chaol’s car. Or better yet, set it on fire.  

“And we’re going to let him explain himself before you act.” 

“I want things between us to be over. Right now.” I kicked the couch again. It felt good. 

“Wait til tomorrow and I promise you can call him and force him to explain and then kick his ass to the curb not a moment later. Then we’ll figure out a way to respond publicly. You and Chaol have to work this out peacefully so that you can come out of this looking strong and reasonable. The last thing we want is for the entire Internet to start taking sides.”  

I stalked away from the couch. Barely an hour ago, Chaol and I had been cuddled up next to each other watching some rom-com from twenty years ago. How dare he cheat on me and then waltz into my house like he owned the place? How dare he touch me after he made out—and possibly did more—with Nesryn Faliq?  

I’d have to get a new couch. Maybe even a new house.  

“Aelin?”  

I threw up my hands. “Fine! I’ll wait. Go home and get some rest.” 

But Dorian shook his head. “Oh no, I’m couching it tonight. If you need me, I want to be right here.” 

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need a babysitter, Dor. I’m not going to do anything.” 

He looked at me sadly. “I know you don’t need a babysitter, Ae. This is in case you need a shoulder to cry on.” I opened my mouth to respond but he cut me off. “And that’s final!” 

I huffed out a large breath but relented. “Fine. But I have a guest bedroom, you know. You don’t have to couch it.” 

“Nah, I’m crashing right here,” he said.  

I shook my head and turned to go upstairs. “Good night, Dorian! And thanks.” 

“I’m here if you need me!” Was all he shouted.   

I rolled my eyes in the dark hallway. I wouldn’t cry over some jerk who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. No, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius of the Aelin Ash YouTube empire did not get upset over losers like Chaol.  

But about an hour later, when I’d given up on sleeping for the rest of the night after tossing and turning, I padded downstairs and into the living room. Dorian sat up immediately.  

“Dorian—” I said, and my voice caught on his name. 

“Come here.” 

I resumed my place next to him on the couch and let him hold me as I cried.

TAGLIST (a smol one)

@elriel4life​

[clockwork-recollective]

About your Evillious au, what the Barisols' personalities like/what role do they play in the story ?? I saw in the original post you mentioned Behemo is more morally good and Levia is something sinister and now I'm really interested,, (Also is it okay if I try drawing Aerico? If not that's fine, I just think she's super cute so I wanted to ask!)

oh! I’d love to talk about it 🥺

role wise, they play a similar, if not slightly larger role ( especially in Levia’s case ) in the story! it’s their personalities that are most different!

Levia’s not just a simulated version of Behemo that was created in the second period; she’s malice itself. she’s literally the manifestation of malice, taken a “human” form. she attached herself to Behemo when he was a child, becoming both his only friend and his source of isolation. she wanted to truly become something human and tangible ( similar to Ma’s desire, no? ) and even though she’s the manifestation of malice, she’s not... bad. she just wanted to become something more than sin, but didn’t quite realize that she was hurting Behemo in the process :(

but basicallyyyy she ended up getting separated from Behemo once his parents realized something was “possessing” him and intervened, and it wasn’t until years later when he couldn’t help but recreate the image of her in the second period that she found another chance to become “real”, sneaking into the coding of “Levia Barisol” and taking her name and body 😰

Behemo on the other hand was a sweet child who just loved to play with dolls because he LOVED his father and his work as a scientist working on the beginnings of the second period and creating the “humans” 🥺 he was often bullied like in canon uehehej poor baby 😭

now I won’t go into their ENTIRE backstory because it’a ... a LOT but that’s the gist of it yeas 👍👍 Levia b literally sin and Behemo is sad

NOW personality wise Behemo is much more gentle and docile, and he doesn’t like to side with Levia’s ... less than good ideals and actions; he’s very empathetic and sweet, and tried to stop Levia from escaping by herself even as she dragged him with her 😭 while being trapped inside of Elluka Clockworker, he wasn’t asleep, but rather conscious ( as is Levia ) and constantly watching sorrowfully, as he’s never in control save for very rare occasions 😭 but he’s always siding with the good of the world and just wants peace in every world 🥺

once separated from Ma, he follows Allen ( + Kokutan ) closely, becoming a motherly sort of figure to him and guiding him along as they try to get to Ma and the vessels of sin ehehe

THIS WHOLE EXPLANATION WAS ... probably very confusing because I am never good at fully verbalizing my ideas and concepts ue ue ue BUT yeas ... Levia is literally sin incarnate, Behemo is a sweetie, they’re conscious as Elluka, they give pieces of their souls to Riliane and Allen ( in canon it’s just a theory but it’s an actual thing in my au 🤫🥺 ) and ......... they’re also very brunette 💕 AUGH I just hope this all at least makes some sense and I’m not just rambling nonsense all the time 😭

ALSO AUGH THANK U THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY U LIKE HER 🥺🥺 I would love if u drew her !! I don’t mind at all and if anyone wants to draw Aerico, I’d be elated to see them loved and drawn! 🥺💕💕💕💕

[entity9silvergen]

Mosaic (Disenchantment Fanfiction)

Summary: We are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Bean doesn’t think she can love like everyone else but maybe that’s okay.

Fandom: Disenchantment 

Word Count: 2K

Characters: Bean

Relationships: Bean/ Mora, Mentioned Bean & Everyone, Mentioned Odval/ Sorcerio, Mentioned Zog/ Oona, Mentioned Zog/ Dagmar

Warnings: Internalized arophobia, first person pov, some self-deprecation, sex mention, drug mention, mention of interspecies relationships in fantasy setting 

Other Tags: F/F, Mentioned F/F QPR, Reflection/ Self-Reflection/ Internal Thoughts, No Dialogue, Queerplatonic, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Homosexual Character, Arospec Character, Queer Themes, Unreliable Narrarator, S3E6, Oneshot, AroWriMo 2021

Author’s Note: My friend sent me the line “I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved” about twenty minutes after I watched “Final Splash.” I’m working on the prompt for Week 2 of AroWriMo rn but I had to drop everything and write a short fic about this. Again, I didn’t really use the prompt but it kind of fits with week 1’s prompt romo/loveless & future. 

I’m headcanonnoning Bean as aro or demiro/ greyro. I think in the show it was implied she never experienced romantic attraction prior to meeting Mora because she likes women and I don’t want to erase that in any way but Bean still gives off a big aromantic bisexual homo(queer)platonic vibe.

_____________________

My name is Princess Tiabeanie of Dreamland and I’ve never loved anyone.

I mean, I love my dad and my friends and all that but I’ve never loved loved anyone. Is that weird to say? That makes it sound like I don’t really love my dad and Elfo and Luci and everyone. I probably shouldn’t say that then because I actually love them a lot. They’re my everything. 

One time, I was walking down Elf-Ally and this elf was sitting on the side of the road with some chalk. I feel like elves would really like chalk but I’ve never seen any of them use it, not even Arto, except this guy. I’d never seen anything like it before so I asked what he was doing and he said he was making this mosaic to show his love for this other elf he liked. I didn’t really understand it so he explained it to me like this: we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are.

I still didn’t get it so I just laughed at him and he got kind of upset and threw a piece of chalk at me. It didn’t really hurt but Luci was with me and the elf started throwing stuff at him and you know how Luci gets when he hits his nose so we left. I couldn’t really forget what that elf said though. 

You see, a mosaic is a mix of a bunch of little pieces taken from different things that all come together to make one thing. There’s this mosaic at the church and it’s pretty freaking ugly but the mosaic this elf was making was just so beautiful. He used so many colors and he drew all these little pictures and hid these words I didn’t understand in them. I’d expect it to be all crude and gross like those scribbly pictures Derek would draw when he was younger that Oona pretended to love but it all came together so well. It didn’t even look like separate pieces. It was just one.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The influences of countless parts of my life, weaving together into an insanely complex mesh- That felt like me. I always felt like something was broken in me but maybe I’m just a mosaic. 

I think my dad made me who I am the most. Even if he wasn’t really present most of my life. Sure, we don’t see eye to eye sometimes but I think we’re better because of that. He made me strong. His actions guided me into becoming the woman I am today. He taught me how to keep fighting. Literally and figuratively. He taught me to keep my head up and he taught me how to stab people. It’s pretty cool. I remember this one time as a kid he took me out to the courtyard, stole this guy’s knife, and taught me how to use it. I think I still have the knife actually. I don’t stab people with it anymore though.

(I hope he’s okay. He hasn’t been the same in awhile.)

My mom… Well, I don’t really love her anymore but I did for a long time. She was… How do I put it? A constant in my life. Even though she wasn’t there. What I felt towards her, it kept me together for a long time. When I had nothing to fall back on, I always had her memory. Until she tried to take over Dreamland, obviously. Now I just say she gave me my love for alcohol and that’s pretty sweet too. 

(I still miss her. I bet she’s dead.)

You know those pictures where the guy has an angel and demon on his shoulders telling him what to do? That’s Elfo and Luci, and it’s literal for Luci. And maybe for Elfo? He did go to heaven that one time. It can be kind of annoying to hear them bickering all the time, especially since they almost never want the same thing, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Elfo keeps me safe and Luci pushes me to be more than I am. They make life fun. Fuller. Less lonely.

(I’m scared they might leave someday. I wouldn’t blame them.)

I don’t really like Derek but I still love him. Maybe a little less since he tried to burn me at the stake. Maybe a little more since he chickened out at the last second. And a little less because he still went through with it. And maybe a little more since it was an accident. We have a complicated relationship but he’s still my little brother, as weird as he is. He reminds me of what I have to fight for, if that makes sense. I don’t really see him as the future of Dreamland or anything but he’s still a little kid and I can’t really help but have a soft spot for him. Don’t tell him I said that.

(I wonder if he’ll keep me around when he’s king. I’d be lying if I said I was surprised.)

The same goes for Oona. I never liked her but I think I love her. Especially after she tried to save me from my mom. And since she became an epic pirate. She’s awesome. She’s the mom I always wished I had except she was actually there the whole time and I didn’t realize it. I’m happy with how things turned out though. I don’t regret it. Plus she’s got great taste in drugs. I still steal them sometimes.

(I don’t know if she loves me. Maybe she did once but not anymore.)

I kind of hate Odval and Sorcerio in a weird way where I like them at the same time. They’re not really family but always been there. Like they’re kind of like second dads to me. Second dads whose the sex lives I know way too much about. My gay polyamorous uncles? But they kind of care under all that court properness and tradition nonsense so they’ve kind of wormed their way into my heart. They’ve always made my life difficult but I don’t think I would be myself if I wasn’t challenged so much.

(I think they’d rather have me gone. They don’t hide it every well but I can pretend.)

I’m going to be honest, I was really bummed when Pendergast died. We were kind of the same age and he hung around the castle for most of my life. And my dad trusted him so we actually did stuff together sometimes. A lot of adventures that never really went anywhere. He could be kind of a stick in the mud but he never really minded that I’m a girl and let me tag along on crusades and helped me get better with weapons and stuff. And Pendergast was weirdly loyal to Dreamland, even after Dad forked his eye out. Or was it spooned? I don’t remember. Some kind of eating utensil. I wasn’t there when it happened. But it was nice knowing I could trust him. He could be kind of fun though when he was off-duty. Total lightweight though. He threw up on one of those little guys who carries dad’s cape once. 

(I wish I’d known him better. I really miss him but I can’t tell anyone since Dad gets set off by anything that even reminds him of the guy.)

Who else is there? That’s right, Mertz and Turbish. Turbish and Mertz. Two peas in a pod. Plus Mrs. Mertz. Don’t get me wrong, they are idiots. Totally incompentant. It’s a wonder they’re still alive. But they’re sweet. And they try. They’re not good at anything but they try. Sometimes I don’t want to try but they tell me I always can.

(I’m waiting for the day they realize they could have a better life. It’ll be weird not having them around the palace.)

I even kind of like Merkimer. As a pig, not a human. God, he was an awful human but he’s a funny little pig. He lets Luci ride on his back sometimes. Both of them like it way more than either of them will ever admit. It’s cute. I think they’re friends. If they’re not, Elfo and I will start plotting until they are. Or maybe not. A Luci-Merkimer friendship might be too much for Dreamland to handle. They’re kind of a lot, even on their own. Merkimer always kind of had a big head and it only got bigger when he accepted his new life. It’s actually kind of inspiring how happy he is now. 

(I don’t want him to change but he already has. It makes me sad sometimes.)

And Bunty. Oh, Bunty. And Stan! The world doesn’t really deserve Bunty. Stan does though. I think they’re the ones who taught me what real love is. Bunty always showed me love as a kid, she was like the second mom I never had but actually did have because Oona was there. But she gave me something neither Oona or Dagmar could. I didn’t really understand it until I saw her and Stan and their family together. I still don’t. They’re really sweet.

(I’d give them everything. I know they just see me as some spoiled princess though.)

I want what those two have. Or what Odval and Sorcerio have. What my dad had with Dagmar or Oona. What Elfo’s had, and Luci’s had, and Derek’s had, and the knights have had. It feels like everyone’s had that kind of deep love at some point except me. I didn’t even realize until I was talking to Mora. 

I’ve had the chance to have it. Merkimer, that brother of his I accidentally killed, that one time Pendergast made a pass at me, that Steamland guy… I don’t think any of it really would’ve worked out though. I’ve had a lot of things with guys and there’s been kissing and touching and I’ve always enjoyed it but I think I always knew it would never go anywhere. That it will never go anywhere. And I can’t even blame my dad because it’s all me. It’s always been me. And I’m okay with that? Maybe? I don’t think so but I’m not really good at understanding my feelings. It’s just another thing on the pile of things I won’t work through.

I think I understood what I had with Mora though. It wasn’t… romantic but it felt like it almost was. We just… clicked. It felt right. She was tough and funny and she didn’t hold anything back. She followed her dreams and didn’t let the world get her down. That one night we had together, I felt like we were alone in the world.

Mora gave me the ocean and the stars.

She was beautiful. Maybe that’s what was missing? None of the guys I ever screwed around with were beautiful. Not like Mora was. Not like a woman can be. I really felt like this was it but there was still that disconnect. Like something was there but not quite. Like something was missing. I don’t know what it was.

But then she just left. I had that dream and I just felt so happy. I’d never felt happiness like that. And I never felt pain like the pain I felt when I woke up and the necklace was gone. I definitely would’ve cried if Elfo wasn’t there. I might’ve actually cried a little bit. It’s kind of hard to hear anything when Elfo’s sobbing. Some of those tears might have been mine.

Did I love her? I don’t think so. Not like Elfo loved that boat. It wasn’t romantic. But it was real. It gives me hope. I don’t think I’m capable of the same kind of love everyone else seems capable of and that’s not even a slight at me. It’s just reality. But what I had with Mora, however brief and imagined it was, tells me that’s okay. I don’t need the kind of love everyone else has. Not when I have so many others in my life.

Still, I hope I see her again, even for a second, just to feel that kind of happiness again.

I think that’s what that elf meant when he said we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Mora was beautiful and she didn’t see it but maybe she would if she saw how I looked at her. 

Stars and the ocean, I’ll never forget them. They’ll be a part of my mosaic forever.

Other AroWriMo Fics By Me, Posted on Ao3, Posted on FFN

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Advice Asks

Hey everyone! I wanted to make a separate post for these three asks asking for advice on writing. I hope my very unqualified advice helps!

So, I’m gonna be honest with you, getting views/interactions on a fic is 90% luck. I spend so much time trying to figure out how to maximize how many people see it, but I’ve found it’s almost entirely random. The one thing I know will help for SURE is tag the ever loving fuck out of your fics - BUT DO IT CORRECTLY. Also, please, for the love of God, use Read More breaks.

SO many people tag shit that they should not tag (stop tagging smut for fluff! stop tagging other characters when they are not in the fic! you are pissing people off and making it harder for people to find content!)

You can check my fics for some ideas for what to tag. Just keep in mind that your post can only show up in the “Top” of tags for the first five things you tag, although that’s not usually a problem since it’s basically impossible to get >2k notes anymore. Beyond that, I would just check the tags regularly and see when other people post to try not to post at the same time as everyone else (they’ll get buried).

Further, become friends with other writers. We all support each other, and it’s basically a guaranteed 20 interactions each time (and it’ll help get your content out there, through those with already established followings).

That being said, it’s seriously, no joke, absolutely random. It is also 5000% harder to get people to interact now than it was 5 months ago, so don’t compare yourself to people who were active then. I used to average 750-1K notes per fic and lately I struggle to even get close to 500. It’s not just in your head.

Thank you so much! You’re so sweet. I’m sad to say I won’t be posting as often by the time I’m answering, but - I will still try to answer. So, usually I don’t have to force myself to write. I genuinely love writing and will do it in my free time whenever I have the time. I haven’t been motivated lately for a number of reasons, so I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing to get in the mood to (hopefully) write later today:

Put on a playlist that has songs that inspire me (or classical/instrumental pieces if I need to focus). Start a new WIP. Go through very old WIPs and reread what I already have. Just write outlines instead of pressuring myself to write something out. Find a scene I’m very excited about and write it out of order.

And, most importantly, write it badly. When you think you are writing absolute garbage, just keep going. You can fix it in editing... and honestly? You’re going to realize it wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought it would be.

Hi again! Sorry for the late response - I mentioned in another ask that I hurt my elbow so I’ve been a disaster lately. If you find that you enjoy writing once you start, try to set a (realistic) goal for yourself. For my original novel, I literally just have the rule “write one word per day.” Sometimes it’s just “the.” I find that some days are just better than others for no real reason.

As for smut, I honestly... don’t have much advice that is any different from the rest of my regular writing advice. I just write the scene as I imagine it happening. Not to out myself here, but I’ve had a lot of sex (whore! jk jk), so I usually just start scenes based on memories I have.

If you want inspiration, I’d recommend watching a movie with a sex scene or just straight up porn. Hell, Matthew has fucking three movies with sex himself, so you could easily just watch those (68 Kill, Horse Girl, and Zoe)! 

Otherwise, it’s just the same as writing any other scene for me. I just have to be in the mood to write it.

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon and other anon it makes me really happy that you like my au! I only planned for Foolish Jr. To be the name of a special totem Foolish had that he gave to Ran (its special cause while it can be used as a normal totem, if broken it can summon Foolish as a small part of Foolish is in the totem. It can also be used multiple times and repaired as many times as needed, which basically made it Foolish's personal totem). Though for Finley, I have it so the group stumbles upon a desert village that manages to point them in the general direction of Foolish's home. But I realize they wouldn't actually be able to find it, so I'll have Finley find Jackie who manages to convince her to take them to her father's temple/home. 

1: Yep. While Ranbob did tell Ran that his memory has been getting better, Ran still is a bit hesitant and treats everything as if Ranbob will forget it. Ranbob did tell him Dream caused it but Ran didnt believe him.

8: Cletus, Grievous, and Jackie I would all consider anarchists. Although Grievous may be less of one than the other 2. A bored group means finding stuff their not supposed too and screaming. 

11: Shocked, relieved, happy, a bit sad, and impressed. Even when Ran booted him off the top of the King of The Hill, he was still relieved and happy his brother was alive. 

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14: No one in this au, in the sub Brothers + Others. Ranboo, Phil, and even Techno get to throw Jackie. Though Jackie only got willingly thrown by Ranboo and Phil. For Techno he just kinda got in the way so Techno picked him up and threw him into nearby bushes. Also, I HAVE NEWS! I decided Raq will kidnap Ranbob, as this could be the perfect push to make Ran go "Oh fuck. I really do still care for him." And have Ran run out into the middle of the night to find him. With the others following behind by a hour or two. 

-------------

Duel wield :). Just imagine you have to fight Techno just to see him wielding two duplicate strong ass swords and he's like an extention of them cause he's so good at using them. 

More emotional pain than you think, but somehow also less than you think. Don't ask me to explain cause I'm not sure how I just get that vibe from the group to be honest. I'm sorry.

All of the above, Tubbo tells Jackie the long running joke of Ranboo being the main character due to his incredible luck with finding rare things or getting out of situations. And Jackie gives Tubbo blackmail by saying how Ran once willingly stepped into water because he never had a big fear of it growing up (cause Mizu) and he actually forgot that water hurts him. 

If one does spark a city will fall. 

Yeah, they all kind of make group sessions where they all sit down, exchange known information and look at it while trying to piece it together. They also exchange suspicions and conspiracies they have. 

He succeeds in convincing Ran that people aren't always as they seem and that some actions have a much deeper meaning. Like he uses how he lives with Techno and Phil and how they where feared anarchists that once ruled a world wide monarchy and where known as basically immortal because no one could even get close enough to hurt one of them. So he was scared of them when he first moved in, and how while it was rough at first, he learned their reasons for destroying L'Manburg, see how Techno wasnt the monsters others said he was, was given training and praise by Techno, and a father figure and someone who made it clear how much they cared for him by Phil. And he never expected any of that, so he tells Ran to attempt to get close again to his brother, cause his brother hasn't changed that much, but he needs to get closer to see. But he fails in stopping agurements because whenever he gets involved he gets yelled at and he doesnt have enough prior knowledge to completely and truly help. 

Sapnap and Karl say they dont really mind, cause they where never really close at all with anyone in any haunting group (for now). But they also feel a weird separation from everyone else, not a massive one but like there's a small wall between them and everyone else.

Anger, mostly from Techno. Cause Techno is pissed Dream is still around and its when this information gets out Techno basically states that their all staying until Dream is laying dead at his feet. To which Phil, Ranboo, and Sapnap all happily agree. Ranboo is surprised and feels awful. He feels like its his fault that Dream has tortured his descendants. Phil is just as angry and eager to kill Dream as Techno. Sapnap is also pissed and eager to be face to face to Dream so he can say exactly how disappointed he is in him (cause he knows Dream still cares about him, even if slightly). Tubbo and Karl are hesitant to kill Dream. Mostly because their scared of how killing Dream will affect the timeline and are still worried about how they'll get home. 

It doesn't get worse but it also doesnt get better, it mostly stays the same until Ranboo snaps and says something that really affects them. In which the fighting does get a bit better. 

Other anon, here is your reply!

-----------

1: Oh no, that's not good.

8: Sounds like a recipe for sweet chaos.

11: Aww, that's sweet. Also makes the following events more painful.

---------

14: They should toss Tubbo and Jackie at the same time, just one immediately after the other. Also, very fun! How does Ranbob get kidnapped? How does the whole rang react to it? How quick do they get him back, how do they do that, and what happens in the aftermath?

---------

Terrifying image, I'd flee immediately. Bad enough that he had one, people must be absolutely horrified that he's gotten ahold of an exact replica of his powerful blade.

Honestly, I think they just radiate that feeling in general, anon.

Pfft. Oh that's hilarious. How many times does Ranboo's Main Character energy come into play? Does Ranbob forget he can't go in water too? How many times have one of the ender siblings just went to step into a puddle or something while their groups panicked?

What kind of pranks do they have in mind to be so destructive??

Interesting. What kind of theories do they have so far?

On one hand, that sounds like very good advice, and potentially offers Ran wanting to get to know the other two more. On the other, all I can imagine is Ranboo being really cryptic and ominous while his descendants are just like '???'.

For now? Do they get closer to them? Does anything spark this?

I'm curious, what exactly invokes those feelings for Techno and Phil? Ranboo and Sapnap I can understand, with Sapnap feeling some responsibility for Dream, and Ranboo for his descendants, but as far as I know, weren't Dream and Techno somewhat allies? Did Dream do something back in the past to gain the two's ire? Or were they angry for a different reason? How do the others react to Tubbo and Karl's hesitation, both before and after knowing their concerns?

What does Ranboo say that does it?

[dogcopter]

Doesn't saying Rose is Lion kinda invalidate all the sadness people had of her death since she would still be alive? I don't understand the Rose is Lion theory that much but thought of this kinda sad take if that theory was true. Do you have an opinion on it?

Yeah, I think it is sad. I also think there’s sweetness to it. It’s a complicated situation for all these relationships, with the potential for conversation and moving forward or everyone, (whatever that looks like), which is what I like about Steven Universe.

Aside from my opinion I also want to address something about the way I understand your ask. I regularly receive feedback from people who discard the premise that Rose is Lion because it doesn’t feel right, or in their perspective would invalidate the themes of the show, or would cheapen the Crystal Gems’ grief, and SU would never do that, and so on and so forth. I don’t know why this is, but I hear it a lot.

To be clear: My feelings about Rose being Lion, and my present interpretation of SU, have no relationship to whether my observations and conclusions are accurate. Whether or not I even LIKE it has nothing to do with what the people who wrote the cartoon wrote. I love it and talk about that all the time but it‘s completely irrelevant to assessing the likelihood of the theory over alternate explanations. My feelings do not change what is in an episode. The theory is an argument, “Rose is Lion”, supported by observations of the cartoon:

Steven can possess other people’s bodies, and we know all of his other powers were shared by Rose, so she may also have this power; Steven is able to lucid dream, so maybe Rose could as well; The first Pink Diamond dreams came to him when he needed answers, so maybe they were a response to his needs; Lars and Lion have identical abilities, so it stands out that Lion, for example, knows where to find Steven in Escapism while Lars lost track of him in Jungle Moon; Rose was known for being secretive and hiding her past, so it’s worth noting that Lion, who is an animal and only knew her in the last two centuries, knows so much about her; Lion knows Rose’s deepest secrets, more even than Pearl, and he dislikes her enemies, even those he never met, so it appears he might share her opinions; The first melon dog lead Steven to Malachite, so it may have known Steven was looking for her; Dogcopter showed Steven where Lapis and Jasper were, too, so he may have known what Steven wanted and where to find them; Steven spoke to the Cluster shards by astral projecting, Jasper came back from the dead in Fragments, the CGs were reformatted and then got their memories back in the movie, and Flint and Chert were repaired in Homeworld Bound, so it’s possible for a gem to return from the dead and regain lost memory....you get the idea.

All of those statements are [Observation of thing that happened in canon] [conclusion based on that observation] and all of those things add up to the hypothesis: Rose being able to use the same psychic powers as Steven and being a character in the story by way of Lion is the most consistent explanation for a number of otherwise remarkable or unusual behaviors in Steven Universe. I could be wrong. One way to test that is by checking the lore.

Ex. I argue: Lion has access to secrets Rose never told anyone (The landfill, Bismuth), and some she only ever told Pearl (the armory, the moon base). If Rose can astral project, this knowledge could be explained by Lion being Rose.

A counter point might be: Lion was revived with Rose’s gem, so maybe he knows things magically. However, Lars and Lion have identical abilities, and Lars does not demonstrate anything remotely similar. Therefore, I still think the first explanation is more likely.

Another explanation for Lion’s knowledge is that Rose told Lion all about her life.

Counter: Rose was notorious for keeping her secrets.

Well, Rose put the items in the mane, and the VHS tape labeled “For Steven” was in there. Maybe Rose was preparing Lion to meet Steven by leaving her secrets with him as well.

Counter: In Lion IV, Greg tells Steven that Rose not only didn’t know she’d have “Steven”, she certainly didn’t have a master plan for his life. From what we understand this appears to be true. Therefore, the first explanation (Rose can astral project, and that’s why Lion knows Rose’s secrets), even though it rests on lore questions that could debunk it overnight with a particular answer - could Rose astral project? What technically happened when she gave up Steven? Where did she go and how did she manage not to come back? - Rose being Lion is still more likely than the other explanations, which directly contradict one or more things we know to be true - Rose keeping secrets, Rose not planning ahead, Rose not knowing she would have Steven instead of Nora. It’s like a big puzzle! Sometimes I put all the pieces together and learn I was looking at something all wrong and have to revise, sometimes I even find the big picture unpleasant, but the pieces are there. So while I always say I’m happy to be disproven, the most common objection I get by FAR is based on feelings and opinions about the conclusion. I’d like to talk about the evidence and figure it out where I’m wrong by learning the actual explanations of things.

So yeah, I think Rose being alive is sad and painful and kind of messed up for absolutely everyone, just like her being dead was. I feel so bad for Steven. It complicates the simplest relationship of unconditional love Steven has - his pet and best friend, Lion - that’s so sad. That’s going to be so hard for Steven to deal with if it’s true. I also love it! I think, HOLY SHIT how would Steven, Pearl, Greg, Amethyst, Garnet, and the others react to learning Rose is alive? Would she finally have to have difficult conversations she’s been avoiding for thousands of years and move forward? What about all the times Lion was there for Steven and Connie? How would Connie feel about this? Does this mean the CGs, now fully realized and separated from Rose, can address her to her face and choose what relationship or lack thereof they’d like to have with her moving forward? You mean - an arc of change like every other character and a hopeful ending? Even for Rose Quartz??? Those are the questions that excite me about the likelihood of Rose being Lion. There’s so much possibility here! It messes with some seriously baked-in expectations about Steven Universe specifically and cartoons in general, and the lore is so interesting because it keeps adding up.